dEarLy+BeLoVed

I do not know what is expected of me. Everything seems to be going so fine but when something bad happened, who do I have to blame but myself?

Friends and families kept telling me that it was not entirely my fault. Things happened and it might not be as bad as others. There are other people who have gone through even worst than me. I keep that in mind. i am not as bad as others and I am still doing fine. But somehow, sometimes things takes a wrong turn, I mean, I took a wrong turn. The wrong turn. I myself am causing it and I have to stop it and WHY can't I stop it?! It is really frustrating.

I thought I could stop it. I thought I could end it. I started it again. Somebody has to do something. I have to do something. I can't go on with it. This is ridiculous.

Living a lie is living to die. What the hell. It is like I am dead and I feel like I am living in this miserable world where I could just jump down and break my skull and live on with my eyes on you, while YOU, just stood there and beware of me.

I am getting out of control. I am absurd. I am the most irrational, materialistic person in the world. I am so fucking asshole!

What the fuck....

//I miss you badLy my deaR IskaNdaR... How couLd you do this to me?