OFFICE ROMANCE OOPS #1:
DATING UP OR DOWN
We all know the story of the boss secretly (or not-so-secretly) dating the assistant. That's a major misstep, according to the experts. "When there's a great disparity between the status of the people involved, it can be problematic," says Mark Oldman, cofounder and president of The Vault, a resource for job seekers. Not only do issues of favoritism and resentment come into play, but also the boss/underling relationship is ripe for sexual harassment issues. David Zuckerman, a former movie producer in Los Angeles, discovered the pitfalls of dating outside of his rank when he started seeing an assistant (not, he's quick to point out, his own) in his production office. "The other assistants would get jealous, thinking that she got special treatment because of her relationship [with me]," says Zuckerman. "And honestly, I distracted her from her job, and her direct supervisor hated me for it." That doesn't, of course, mean that office daters can only romance those on the same corporate rung. "If the relationship involves a supervisor and a subordinate, they need to both take pains to establish that the relationship is consensual," says the Vault's Oldman. Author Fox suggests that the person in the higher position inform his or her direct supervisor of the romance. "Eventually, it might be possible to move one of them to a different division or position," she says.
OFFICE ROMANCE OOPS #2:
LEAVING LOVE CLUES
When you're on the verge of a burgeoning romance, expressing your feelings for the other person can seem like the most natural thing to do. But when love notes are being passed on company time, they can go public despite your best intentions. Everyone has accidentally sent an email to the wrong person at least once. Imagine if your "You were great last night" email was erroneously sent off to Human Resources. Additionally, says author Fox, "People should know that all electronic mail is the property of the company. Emails can always be retrieved, even if they're deleted." This doesn't mean that Big Brother is watching and reading every last epistle in the hopes of catching a fling in action, but if there's ever a reason for emails to be examined (say, a lawsuit), your "private" feelings could come to light. Experts recommend never committing anything personal to the page-in email form or otherwise. "Don't write down something you wouldn't want to see on your office bulletin board," says Oldman, who suggests that daters keep their written communication to "short, cryptic messages." Says Fox, "Of course, an innocent note like, 'Let's meet for lunch,' is okay."
OFFICE ROMANCE OOPS #3:
GETTING PHYSICAL AT WORK
It's bad enough watching a couple canoodle at a restaurant. Seeing coworkers get too close for comfort is in a whole other league. Most office lovers have enough common sense to know hands-on behavior is a professional no-no. Says Morgan Gatins of Brooklyn, New York, who started dating a guy at her production office: "He'd kiss me when no one was around, but even that made me nervous. I'd usually push him away." That's the right move to make. According to Fox, "There should be absolutely no PDA-you could lose your credibility and it could hurt your career." Still, lust can muddle even the most reasonable of minds. Shockingly, a recent Vault survey showed that 23% of office daters consummated their romance at work (either in an office or the bathroom). In cases like those, the cliché "it's better to be safe than sorry" has never been more appropriate.
DATING UP OR DOWN
We all know the story of the boss secretly (or not-so-secretly) dating the assistant. That's a major misstep, according to the experts. "When there's a great disparity between the status of the people involved, it can be problematic," says Mark Oldman, cofounder and president of The Vault, a resource for job seekers. Not only do issues of favoritism and resentment come into play, but also the boss/underling relationship is ripe for sexual harassment issues. David Zuckerman, a former movie producer in Los Angeles, discovered the pitfalls of dating outside of his rank when he started seeing an assistant (not, he's quick to point out, his own) in his production office. "The other assistants would get jealous, thinking that she got special treatment because of her relationship [with me]," says Zuckerman. "And honestly, I distracted her from her job, and her direct supervisor hated me for it." That doesn't, of course, mean that office daters can only romance those on the same corporate rung. "If the relationship involves a supervisor and a subordinate, they need to both take pains to establish that the relationship is consensual," says the Vault's Oldman. Author Fox suggests that the person in the higher position inform his or her direct supervisor of the romance. "Eventually, it might be possible to move one of them to a different division or position," she says.
OFFICE ROMANCE OOPS #2:
LEAVING LOVE CLUES
When you're on the verge of a burgeoning romance, expressing your feelings for the other person can seem like the most natural thing to do. But when love notes are being passed on company time, they can go public despite your best intentions. Everyone has accidentally sent an email to the wrong person at least once. Imagine if your "You were great last night" email was erroneously sent off to Human Resources. Additionally, says author Fox, "People should know that all electronic mail is the property of the company. Emails can always be retrieved, even if they're deleted." This doesn't mean that Big Brother is watching and reading every last epistle in the hopes of catching a fling in action, but if there's ever a reason for emails to be examined (say, a lawsuit), your "private" feelings could come to light. Experts recommend never committing anything personal to the page-in email form or otherwise. "Don't write down something you wouldn't want to see on your office bulletin board," says Oldman, who suggests that daters keep their written communication to "short, cryptic messages." Says Fox, "Of course, an innocent note like, 'Let's meet for lunch,' is okay."
OFFICE ROMANCE OOPS #3:
GETTING PHYSICAL AT WORK
It's bad enough watching a couple canoodle at a restaurant. Seeing coworkers get too close for comfort is in a whole other league. Most office lovers have enough common sense to know hands-on behavior is a professional no-no. Says Morgan Gatins of Brooklyn, New York, who started dating a guy at her production office: "He'd kiss me when no one was around, but even that made me nervous. I'd usually push him away." That's the right move to make. According to Fox, "There should be absolutely no PDA-you could lose your credibility and it could hurt your career." Still, lust can muddle even the most reasonable of minds. Shockingly, a recent Vault survey showed that 23% of office daters consummated their romance at work (either in an office or the bathroom). In cases like those, the cliché "it's better to be safe than sorry" has never been more appropriate.