it is never enough

why does everything have to be you? even anything that doesnt concern you or have anything to do with you just reminded me of you. how do i do these things that i want to do? why do you always have to appear? why do you always have to be tere? cant you just like leave for a moment? dont come back unless you're needed.

No! Wait! Dont go!

Im sorry.

I didnt mean it.

But it's true. you are distrupting me. you are not helping here. without a word or action, you just appeared. and you keep coming back every second, every minute, every hour. every time when im watching those movies on dvds, when im eating, when im talking, when im sleeping, when im showering, when im walking, when im feeling happy or sad... i didnt mean to not want you around. i do want you arounf but dont keep disfiguring my mind.

i do feel you. i do.

i seriousli do.

im crying still. invisibly.

my heart is still burning and it's still soaring.

my tongue long for yours.

my hands long for your touch.

you son of a bitch. i love you still.

don't pretend you dont know. u did it! you've done it! you are incredible. honestly, you are good.

.......make me forget you // heLp mE

it's a hot day

i made mango smoothie.... with the new blender.

Really Want You

am i lucky? am i unlucky? do i consider myself lucky? i guess not. but then again. i have a nice family, i have great sister and cousin, i have great frenz and i have a nice life? I don't knw. i guess im just lucky. am i unlucky? well, maybe at one time. well i don't knw. it's just a phase. everybody says so. it's just a phase. a phase where everybody have to go thru when they're growing up. young age sucks. i wonder how it will be when im older. like when im 30 and abv. i have another 5 yrs to thk abt it and work it out b4 everything gets worst b4 im 30.

Nyai Roro Kidul by HETVERVOLG

I can't put Nyai Roro Kidul's picture due to some believes. Says that can't stare too long to de protrait.... Well... Knowing her story is... yeah...

NYAI RORO KIDUL : Also known as Kanjeng Ratu Kidul or Queen Of The Southern Sea who reigns teh South coast of the Java island, appears as a very aristocratic and gentle lady whose beauty makes all men fall in love even the Kings of Java. The legend began in the West Java Kingdom of Pajajaran under the rule of Prabu Siliwangi, a wise legendary King who ruled West Java between the late 15th century to the beginning of 16th century. Prabu Siliwangi had a beautiful wife, Queen Mayang Sari, and a daughter by the name of Princess Kadita whose beauty made the King's concubines jealous. One day they cast an evil spell on Queen Mayang Sari and Princess Kadita upon which forced them to leave the palace because of their horrifying look. They wandered in the unforgiving forest until one day the Queen could no longer struggle and died leaving Princess Kadita by herself, confused and upset. She continued her lonely strive deep down to the South and her endless journey ended at one point known as the South Sea. She then sighed hopelessly and when she finally fell asleep she had a vision in her dream that in order to break herself from the evil spell she would have to throw herself into the ocean. And so she did but when she realized that she was cured it was already too late for her to return to the world. She became a possesion of the South Sea and, is known as Nyai Roro Kidul, Lårå Woedoe, and some other mythical names. In time she built her own empire. Legend indicates that the power is until this day in existence throughout the Southern Coast of Java where the Javanese Kings are oblidged to mystically wed her in order to reach the power of the kingdom. It is believed that only the Kings can see her, but many claim that they have seen her along the coast. In Javanese Palaces there are some traditional palacial dances whose dancers consist of odd numbers like 9 or 11. This is meant to preserve the other one dancer who is no one else Nyai Roro Kidul herself. So for those who can see, they will see 10 or 12 dancers instead of 9 or 11.
In Pelabuhan Ratu, West Java, there is a Hotel called Samudra Beach Hotel, there is a room 308 preserved especially for Nyai Roro Kidul's resting place where no one can occupy the room except for meditation purpose for the encounter. Every year in the Javanese calendar of month Sura, a lot of people crowd the South beaches in order to perform a traditional offering in respect to the Queen. Javanese folklorists and spiritual experts distinct Kanjeng Ratu Kidul and Nyai Roro Kidoel/Nyi Loro Kidul as two different figures. Kanjeng Ratu Kidul described as the queen herself. She wears a high crown and never shows herself to general public but only to the royal kings of Java and Bali. But the other one, Nyai Roro Kidoel, is as a matter of fact plays her role as the chief of arm forces or in Indonesian is called Patih. Not like Kaneng Ratu Kidoel, she wears only a tiara, sometimes with her knot tied, sometimes with loose hair. Nyai Roro Kidoel, the "Virgin Maid", is the one who is believed to be responsible for the loss of many swimmers along the beach and most of them are males. It is believed that they are kidnapped to be the slaves in the Kanjeng Ratu Kidul's sea kingdom. Many people claim to have encountered with Nyai Roro Kidoel along the South coat of Java. It is told that the Nyi Loro Kidul is a later form of the sick and wicked Patih, extremely dangerous and always hungry for handsome young males ... Their voices resound within the strong waves and her color is yellow-green. That why it is told never wear the color of green within your clothes...
-http://nl.msnusers.com/HETVERVOLG/mysterie.msnw

....

Why do the ones have to die? I thought the cute ones always stays in the end til de end of the movie? Why does he have to die? ....Just finished watching the long 3hrs of The Thin Red Line. Why does James Caviezel's character have to die? I mean, does anybody ever notice that he's a cute guy? I mean, he looks good man. Other than in Passion of The Christ, he realli looks good in The Thin Red Line. He got that peaceful look on him but with lots of disturbance in him... Oh my! this is reminding me something....

Persona by Kangta

Because my throat burned, my tears fell, because everything infront of me blurred and because I couldn't walk I must not have been able to even call enough strength to hold onto you, who's getting farther away. Not being able to make you laugh at least once, with my heart that's ripped and broken and already withered away and useless, is my crazy attachment.

Don't turn to look at me, Don't turn around. Just run away as you are and forget me. Farther, a little farther, run away farther away from me. It's good that you've left me who's so bad, so unworthy, so foolish. Don't have any memories don't even remember me. Even if you're so lonely you think you might die.

The words, "be well" and "i'm sorry" if you're wanting to leave me than instead just kill me right here and go. Without you, day by day I'll die away. But you know, you know enough that it's already too late to go back. What about me who's become so much like you. How in the world? Why are you trying to leave me? Why?

Don't turn to look at me, Don't turn around. Just run away as you are and forget me. Farther, a little farther, run away farther away from me. It's good that you've left me who's so bad, so unworthy, so foolish. Don't have any memories don't even remember me. Even if you're so lonely you think you might die.

Reds

Tae Guk Gi (Brotherhood) in the late evening and continues to Saving Private Ryan. Wanted to go for Thin Red Line but I guess I'll continue that another day when my room is back to being available. Than, I want to continue to Windtalkers. Hmmm... Wonder if dad still have that dvd around.
Hmmm... What other war movies dad have? Loads. Goota check them out. What's up man!? I'm loving the violence.

Fate.... Don't Patronize me

Everything seems to be going on fine but am I sure? Is everything really fine? Or everything is just an act? Why must everything be distrupted? Why must everything be a distraction? Why must everything goes on well when the movement are just as hard as thinking straight?

I am sure now. It's not going on right. It is not going on well. It is not going so so well like I expected. Sigh. Expecting something is always not an easy task because to fulfil smething, it takes time to settle it down.

Words coming out from mouths are easy said and heard but doing them ... urgh! im babbling nonsense!

i thk i better go and kill someone before i could get to my head....

Muahaha!!! Was that eMo enuff? Shitty stuff right!? I want to watch ore movies. I'm looking forward to Thank For Smoking and Fast Food Nation. Fast Food Nation especially. It's about that one Big one that everybody go for.

I'm hungry. I want to eat. I want to eat something that makes me full. I want to eat something. I'm hungry.

PreSeNtiNg..... LGs ChocoLatez

.......HeLLo aLL!

i like Bloo! Bloo! Bloo! Bloo! ...for those who don't watch Cartoon Network won't know what I'm talking about but I want Bloo! I like Bloo! His so cute! his so naughty! hehe!!!! I want him as an imaginary friend.

Oh wow! I've not update this space for quite a long time. Well, it's just that, everytime I'm halfway updating, I'll end up being distracted with another thing which later on got me tired or lazy to continue.

What have I need up to lately? How have I been doing lately? Oh wow! Lots of things happened and many things ridiculoursly which are not to be happening, happened and some things which are expected, did not happened.
I got a job back at AMK Techplace II, which is pathetic. Met ex-colleagues at times for lunch but most of the times with my now colleagues la. Eversince I started wok at this II-VI Pte Ltd, I keep wanting to much something and I never miss any lunchtime. Well, or shall I say brunch. I don't know. Few days back, I had 2 slices of chocolate cakes and it was from 0900hrs to 2132hrs. Of course I had lunch la. It was realli sinful. Yes, indeed. A colleague reprimanded me for having so much of the chocolate cake that I felt bad but at the same time, I feel good. Today, I cant help it and I start having a slice of chocolate cake again. Yesterdae, I had a slice of Oreo Cheese cake for breakfast. It was just a small piece though but it is damn nice.
Being staying late lately at work. What can I do? I need to finish up the shipments and prepare some shipments and reports and docs for the next day. I'm gonna be on my own soon and I gotta buck up.

Dinner & Dance is coming near. I need to go shop for something. Well, I don't what is the theme yet but I'm excited. Colleagues are all expecting me to go and plus, it's my 1st time going to a dinner and dance. Yeah!

Made new friends, made new acquaintaces, made new bonds, made new commitments, made temporary decisions and starting a new life.
Is it even new? Does it seems like being new? I don't know. I'm just moving aLoNg the riverside.

Missing someone as always. In just within months, things happened so fast. Time will fly by faster than you expect. It will come by. It will end.

I've watched Over The Hedge. "Hehe!! I'd like a cookie!".... Haha!! funny! Kelakar la! Energy drinks really can perk you up!

Yup! Red bull for me in the morning!

raihan! What's de next movie we're going to!? oiK!

The O.C.

Luke was in love with Marissa then Marissa fell in love with Ryan and Luke got angry with him. Seth loves Summer and Summer wasnt sure and Anna came and Anna helped Seth while she falls in love with Seth. Seth later on got Summer and then some things went wrong, Summer went on with Zach. Wait! Or did Seth went on with Anna 1st and then with Zach? Yes, I think that's the way it was. While all that, Luke and Marissa broke up and Marissa got together with Ryan. Which later Theresa came into the picture and things went messy. Same time, Anna went away as Seth confesses his love to Summer and they got together. Than Theresa went away and Marissa and Ryan became friends again and walk to the path of being together again. Lots of things happened and Ryan and Marissa broke up and patched up again while Summer and Zach got together and Seth got together with the bisexual Alex. But later on in further going ons, Summer and Seth got back together and Marissa and Ryan got back together again too but Ryan and Marissa went on to becoming friends again after breaking up which Ryan was a jerk and went off to Sadie, who is Johnny's cousin whom got the hots for Marissa. From Season 1 to Season 3 and now I cant wait for Season 4. What happened? Sorry to say this out to those who have not watched Season 3 til the end, Marissa didnt die! Right! She didn't! Yes! like yammie said, deNiAL!

Anyway, those who watched season 1, Paris Hilton look good with those flowers on her hair but when I put them on, others are saying it doesnt look good. Why?

My mind is not control it but physicalli, I controlled it. There's nothing to be proud of. I don't know how I did it but I just know, I miss him. I wish he would call me.

siCk & tiRed

particularly ridiculous! ridiculously particular!