iN space

Good Night people. I have taken some drugs to put me into deep sleep later. Stayed for an hour today. I mean work.

Came in the morning, boss called me over to her desk. I went over. Also because I need to ask her what was my username to the system as I have forgotten mine. I remember the password but I forgot my username. Sigh. I am losing my memory. Bit by bit my mind is losing it. Oh no!
Stayed for an hour and everytime I want to go back, I'll be clueless. I do not know which bus to take or which direction to take. There are lots of alternative ways but I just do not know which want I want to take first. I need to experiment them and take the timing. Going to work is easy for me as I've already got the timing well but going back time has never been hard for me.

Tomorrow, go work? Wear what? Something green or something black or something red? It's friday tomorrow. In few minutes time.

// Insa - Greeting

x-man

I have always watched one Korean game show where Korean celebrities are divided in 2 groups. They have few challenges and one of them is the X-Man. It means something. The X-Man would have to do something without the other participants know who is he or she. After all the challenges they have gone through, all of them would have to vote on who is the X-Man. When the X-Man is voted, he or she will be verified and once he or she is found and confirmed that he or she is the X-Man, the money that they won will be donated to charity under their name. How cool is that.

For this particular episode, Micky Yoochun of Tohoshinki is the X-Man. In order to be the X-Man, he or she have to purposely win or use any lame strategies to play in any of the challenges and not exactly win them.
They have challenges like the Defect game, the Monkey Bar challenge, the Wrestling challenge, the Love Couple challenge and also my favorite, the Of Course challenge. In the Of Course challenge, they actually have to say something bad about the other team mate and each of them have to say it out and the ones who finally run of something to say will lose.
I think if Singapore comes out with that game on, it won't be as fun as the original one. Hehehe!!!

Shake it off

Could I be down with depression? Again? How long has it been? I mean, It's like taking up the whole of year 2006. This is absurd. It is stupid. I don't think I am down with depression although I kept thinking I am. I am just plain lazy.
Funny I would admit that online for the whole world to read. Yes I am. I am just plain lazy. But when the time comes where I get my senses to do things, I'll do things right and complete things and I'll just finish them right off. I would have no buts or this or that.
I am talking nonsense for no reason at all. Basically I am plain lazy and I am plain bored and I am plain insane. Listening to Tohoshinki singing chinese is oKay as I am not well verse in the language but whenever I listen to their international version of Hug, I would want to laugh. Whenever I am, I would laugh. They sang in English and well, they are not that well verse in English. One of their Japanese song, Somebody to Love, I don't know why but they simple can't say the word "Love" properly. You can even see their mouth and lips moving to "Lobe" instead of "Love". It just sounds funny. I would definitely tell them off nicely to correct their pronounciations.

I am at home right now. Trying to take a break but I ain't getting no break. I have not had my own time in my own room for a very long time and I feel that I can't breathe anymore. I feel like I am stuck in this world forever. I want to fly away and drift out to the air where there are no nonsenses going around me.
Basically, I'm crap.

Xiah Junsu is a great vocalist

Beautiful Thing (Dong Bang Shin Gi) :Solo of Xiah Junsu
translation by: o2_intake (also credit: aheeyah.com)

It's feel like beautiful thing Below the moon’s shadow
The wind whispers in my ear Where will it take me
Making the night turn white A spirit that walks on clouds
Till the dawn comes Till the night goes to sleep

Time of love, Oh my life When will be the chosen day
There is nothing in this world That is not beautiful
For one to know everything in a lifetime
It’s too short of a trip

Though the seasons will come again Time also passes
Life’s faint light allow Only the memories remain
I am thankful for each day So I put my hands together in a small prayer
Everything that is hidden in lies May I love please

Kuburan

Wandering ....wandering....wandering ....wandering .....wandering .....wandering. Wandering to where I am going, I was clueless. I do not know what I am thinking. I do not know what I am doing. I do not know what I am saying. I do not know the cause of my actions. I am in the biggest trouble of my life. ....Screwing up my life.

Day by day

Long time have not gone to Starbucks. It's a cold rainy day today. I don't like. I don't know why but I don't like rainy days. They freak me. Met me old fren over at Northpoint and went to Starbucks as usual for coffee. had the Gingerbread Latte. It tasted nice. In the middle of our conversation, I spitted my drink and start coughing. Some was mentioning me. Oh man! it was a bad scene there. *paisey*
After the long chat, we went around Northpoint. It was already 9pm. Most of the shops were closing. Especially Popular, which was already closed. Leaving all the last few people inside who were still at the cashier. Went into Sembawang Music Centre and look at Kim Jeong Hoon's and Tohoshinki's cds. A bit cheaper there than the ones I saw at Music Junction in Tampines Mall.

I wonder if it's going to rain again? I guess it should be. If I'm not wrong, it is the monsoon season now right?

Oh yeah, I didn't mention the other day that when we watched Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical, there was English subtitles. It was blessing for me and Yammie because we couldn't really understand the Java and Malay languages. Hehe!!

Oh no! I'm yelled at by my sister now....

greeting Speaks

Slept at 4am. Woke at 9am. Went to the toilet to pee and went back to sleep. 2 hours later, heard dad calling for me. Telling me to do the laundry. I got up again to go to the toilet and as I went back to my room, dad was at the door. He was saying something but I was still in dazed. I stood still and looked at him. He said something again and this time I heard. I just said oh and went back to my room and went back to sleep.
Few hours later, it was 2pm. I got up to the bathroom. Brushed my teeth and washed my face. Sat in front of the pc and start listening to my mp3s and do what I do best on the pc. Surfing the net, checking my mails. Downloading and whatsoever stuff I could do.
I was feeling so bored and irritated. I wanted o go out but I am broke and there was nowhere to go anyway. Few hours later after dad came back, I took a shower and washed my hair. Came back to the pc and input lyrics into SilveRiNA.
I sat in front of the pc the whole day. Listening to Xiah Junsu's Beautiful Thing. He has such beautiful voice. Those cute-gore-kiddy kind of voice. Not smooth but still nice to listen to. Heard it in Eternal's drama and the song rreally caught on to me. It's the kind of song where you listen while you on a travel and just by looking up in the stars you would see some flashbacks of your old memories.
Watched V For Vendetta. Dad finally watched it after weeks of keeping it in the drawing. I bet it kinda bore him as he kept on yawning after half of the show. Mom came back around 8pm from JB. Yammie is still not back yet. I bet I have enough energy for tomorrow as today has been enough rest for me after a whole week of sickness last week.

This morning, I had a weird dream. It was the weirdest dream ever in my whole life that once I woke up and seeing the light shining through my curtains, I was smiling and later laughing to myself. It was a really funny dream. It was.... Everybody's asleep now and it is still early for me to sleep. I have taken my medicine and will might be asleep in one or two hous time.

Running

I am running out of things to do. I am running out of things to say. I am running out of things to think. I am running out of myself. What should I do?

begin

Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical was a blast. Yesterday, me and my whole family went to the musical which was held at Esplanade. We got or seats in a VIP box. It was very good seats with very good view. The opening was extravaganza and the character of Adipati played by AC was really scary. It really intimidated us. The dancing was awesome, the lighting was great, the characters were great. When Hang Tuah came out, I was really excited. Although I don't show my excitedness by wowing out loud and all, I was really excited. One thing I find it kinda of funny was to clap after certain scenes. Clapping at a theatre musical felt kinda funny for me. But yeah, when the character Hang Tuah came out, I was really excited. It's played by the half-born British-Malay, Stephen Rahman-Hughes. I wanted to get the soundtrack but I had no money. So, I hope other places will have the soundtrack sold.

After the show, went for dinner at 2Hot Halal Cafe. It wasn't a really nice place. My order came the very last. It was just fried chickens which were not really nice with lots of chillis and rice. Others say mine looks nice but apparently it's not nice at all. Although we were at a cafe, dad said I ate like I am at the hawker centre because I was using my hands to eat. Before that, the chickens which they had toppled it on the rice, dropped onto my shirt. It was embarrasing with my parents around but it was okay. I ate the not nice meal and head home after that.

Watched Vacation again on YouTube. Yeah. I love the 2nd episode, Beautiful Life and the last episode, Eternal. The 1st, Cassieopeia and the 2nd episode, The Way You Are were common episodes ar.

Right now, Yammie is out, dad is out and mom is out. I'm left alone at home with GD.

I want to drink coffee again. The coffee lt night I had was really nice. Had not had coffee for a very long time.

beautiful thing

Few minutes to going out. Left Yammie who is still getting prepared. Settled for the white long sleeve shirt and blue jeans. Calling cab anytime soon. Wonder if there are any cabs.

panik

One hour to go for ETD and I am still not prepare yet. I do not know what to wear. Damn. Hey! It's just a musical playing in Singapore. What is so hard man!? Gotta go shower now! Blow my hair and all!

TimeLess by Jang Rin In feat Xiah Junsu

After that very long post, how long later do you think I will update this space? Not so soon? haha!! I even wonder if any of you even bother to read it? Really bored har? Yeah. Me too.
I am feeling kinda helpless right now. I can't help anybody now. Not to mention myself. I made it through the day at work yesterday. MY butt was aching for sitting too long. There were so many datas to be entried due to the opening on the new store over at Vivocity. Everything had to be rushed in. That was what I found out.
Found lots of alternative ways to go back and forth from and to work.

Going for the Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical today. I wonder how it is going to be. It is so early right now that I don't know what to do. Yammie told me to take my medicines and go to sleep again. I might just be doing that later on.

Xiah Junsu of Tohoshinki did a featuring duet with newcomer Jang Ri In. She's only 16 and she has such powerful voice such as Lena Park. I love her man. Love her voice. I wish I could sing like her. I think she's chinese since she could speak chinese so very well. I got to go take up something.

Drive

Oh my! When was the last time I've updated this space? It has been a long time isn't it? I feel like there are lots I would like to put up here.

Officially, I am and was a job-hopper. Will I stop at it and would not go on? I guess I am tired now and therefore I have to stop. It all started in February here I resigned from my long years job in Kinergy as the Store Clerk. Wasting my 5.5 years thee, I have gained nothing but yes, I gained knowledge in Logistics and friendship with the guys there. There were fun, hatred, great friendships. There were even loves and losses. I never forget those moments in my 1st ever permanent job. After resigning, I decided to have a change of job nature but I wasn't sure in what I want to do. While I was thinking, I was lost in love. With someone whom I've never met but heard of. We were together, happy. I then got a job as Engineering Asst which didn't last long. I quit my job due to distractions after the breaking up of my relationship with the wonderful guy. I couldn't think straight. The best thing was, the break-up was on my birthday. I was all distraught, although I was trying to show others that I was fine and was strong. People who are close to me perks me up and tried to not let me down. I really thank them all.

Went on to another job as a Planner Clerk and that also took awhile as I was still distracted with the going-ons of certain things. I went out with my friends. I went out with my cousins. I even went out on my own and do things on my own. Shopping, movies, staring at the sun... hahaha!!! Not staring at the sun. I just got a little exaggerated there. Later on, I got caught up in a 3-months contract temporary job. Doing Receptionist for the few weeks and Admin Asst later on. It went for 3 months straight which I decided to go on and pursue and permanent one.

While doing the 3 months temp job, I had nice companions there. People whom I can bragged and dragged with without the limitations of evil dirty jokes and criticisms onto each other or to anybody. Either directly or indirectly. Hatred for certain people even came up which I start to discover more office politics going on. Those politics and hits even fell on me which it was to bear for me to carry. I couldn't help it that I decided to leave. It was the best choice.

2 weeks of no job, I went on sending applications every night so that those email sent would be open in the morning and they would contact me where I would be ready. Went to few interviews which weren't really interest me. I even fall sick during that time. I had sore throat and high fever and later down with flu. My voice changed and I felt cool about it. Hahaha!!! But after awhile, for my voice to come back, it takes at least a week to do so and I can't wait that long cuz the flu was/is really irritating.

I had a job interview at Fairprice which needed me to have an Assesment test. I had grammar test, MS Excel test, number pairing test and MS Word test. I guess I did well in all except for a part in MS Excel test. I totally forgot how to do the Difference formula for MS Excel. I was still sick on the day of the interview. My voice was really over the top when I talked and my coughing was still bad. I couldn't breathe properly due to the flu.
Supposed to go for a friend's chalet in the evening on the same day but didn't as Sallyn told me to stay home ad rest instead. After all, I wasn't really in the mood to go out too.

On Monday, I backed out on an interview as it was only a temporary job. Later on, I received a call from a company to called me for an interview the next day. So, on the Tuesday I went for the interview. Clueless on how to go there, I was still lost and I was late. Of course, as always I settled on a cab. The cabby was kind enough and showed me where it was. Went for the interview. Wrote the application form. Got through the interview and I was feeling blurry. I guess I was hungry and also due to my bad flu which has still not gone away, I didn't even know that I have got the job. In the afternoon, I received a call from them and they brief me on the working hours and stuffs.

Came to work yesterday. Was late for 15 mins. Yes! I was late. For the first time ever in my life, I was late for my first day of work. It has never happened and yes now it has happened. All of you can shake your head right now but please, spare me the nagging and the scoldings BECAUSE it is the past and it has already happened. So what do you do? Learn from me. I was present as Sarinah there as the HR even called me Sarinah in the first place. I am a happy girl. Yeah! There are nice people there. My manager was wondering if my name is Siti or Sarinah because she had called me Siti during the interview and Sarinah on the first day as the HR talked to her about me using that name. I then told her that my name is Siti Sarinah but I would prefer to be address as Sarinah as too many people has call me Siti which I found it kind of irritated. I started working with the help of a senior. She was nice after giving that angry-looking look while introducing.
During lunch time, the session people asked me along and they were really eager over something. They asked me a very common question but it was really funny when they asked me. They were going, "Excuse me, Sorry but cane we ask you something?", in a scared and cute-cute way. I answered, "Yes? Ask la.". "Are you a Chinese or Malay?", they later looked at me anxiously waiting. "I'm a Malay. My name is Siti Sarinah.". They were so happy and jumping with joy. Especially for the only Malay girl there. She was happy to found a new partner as the rest are all Chinese. Hahaha!!! We all got along.

The surroundings in the office once again made my body felt weak and the weather too was cold. I developed my bad flu again and had to go the clinic today. I had to pay a sum of S$31. Oh wow! It was really something man! I had not paid for a medical visit for a very long time. I'm all bankrupt again now. Had MC for today which saddens my new colleague. Well, I will be back tomorrow, I told her.

Today after the clinic visit, brought Raihan to agency visits. Went to International Plaza and bought the list of employment agencies in the building. I had done that like 8 years ago with Nana. Haha!! It was like reliving memories back again. Taught Raihan how to to talk and what to say when doing the walk-ins. Came back home straight after that as I was really irritated by the flu and the weather.

I have been listening and watching lots of Tohoshinki lately. I really love them. Like how I was crazy over their seniors, H.O.T. and Shinhwa, I am crazy over them too. Not crazy but I have my love for Japanese and Korean music. I love all kinds of music. I listen to all kinds of music and I love all music. Anything from Pop to Rock, from Hip-Hop to Classic. Been spending lots of hours in front of the pc just going through YouTube watching all their theatre dramas and Yes! Not forgetting animes. Black Blood Brothers and Death Note as the latest anime crazes. Bleach and Naruto are still follow-ups.

Right now, I have to sign off and go to dreamland where I am modelling around in a new skinny body with Tohoshinki. Hahaha!!! Gila! I know I am. Those drowsy medicines have got me and my whole body needs a rest. My hair is still wet as I have washed it just now. I've dyed my hair but I hate the color. Will dye it again once I get my 1st full pay and so people, Bye bye!!!

Holding Back The Tears ~ Tohoshinki

Holding Back The Tears is a really nice song. I just love the words... It is sung by the Korean group Dong Bang Shin Ki. Well, I prefer to call them by their japanese name, Tohoshinki.

A picture that gets smeared in white

And my fragrance that seems to have faded away, All get concealed by the glaring cloud

My heart that has no words, Slowly starts to move my feelings, Those times that slipped through, Are in my hands

I'm holding back the tears, I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart, To a place that is neither close nor far, Where a different me stands, I will not cry

I bring my two hands together again, To a place that will hear it, As I live though these unmemorable times

Though it seems stupid, we’re always together, The pain that I want to let go, Dries the tears that flows through my body

I'm living with my tears, I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart, To a place that is neither close nor far, Where a different me stands, I will not cry

I'm holding back the tears, I run adding to the weight of my faith, To a place that is neither high nor low, Where a different me stands again, With a small smile I can laugh

I am living in the world where I do not anybody to be into. I told everybody I do not want to hear anything about you, talk anything about or even see you. But somehow, I am missing you and I am thinking of you. Telling others to not mention you in front of me was the lessen my burden on thinking about you or missing you but somehow.

It is ridiculous, yes, for those who starts missing someone until to the extend where they can't eat, can't drink, can't sleep. Apparently, that ridiculous acts have fallen onto me. I feel like a stupid shitty girl now that I am down to sickness. Insomnia for 2 weeks. Down to sore throat and high fever. Going through the feverish night was a painful one as I kept on yearning for you to be there with me. I was wishing that you are there to comfort me.

Ishk! I'm getting all mushy and emo here. Due to this case, I've been called the ego one. What can I do? I have never been like this before. I have never yearn or someone like that before. (Other than my mom though while I was in the hospital 11 years ago.) I kept on waking up every 2 - 3 hrs due to the pains on my face and my body. Dragging myself to the toilet and to the kitchen to get myself a drink and all. Just getting up from bed just makes me feel so weak.

But I received good news on calling me out for an interview. 2 interviews to be sure. They knew I was sick from the way I sound when I talked to them. Wish me luck and I love you all.

After all = It is just a phase, isn't it? ...Gotta move on... Right?

~ missing you

I have a lot of things to say in here but I'm just not in the mood to. So, I', just gonna fill up this space with these words I'm typing as I have not updated my bLog for a long time. I miss you all.

To Shasha, firefox, which fullname is Mozilla Firefox is another internet browser. Just like the Internet Explorer. Me, Kak Yammie and friends have always been using Mozilla Firefox to browse the internet as it doesn't czuse much problems to us.

No Light

i have no idea what to say right now. In fact everything seems to fall out of place. or maybe it is just my instinct. nothing seem to be going right. i kept on repeating mistakes which i could avoid but it just keeps on hitting me with no senses at all.

Princess Hours is being repeat over and over again in my house. Mom has yet to watch it alone in her room. The rest are holding on to their numbers to borrow the DVD to watch. i have few shows to catch. Animes - Bleach, Naruto (i wonder why i still bother to watch it), Black Blood Brothers, Death Note ....Yeah! I want to watch Death Note movie again. Gonna have a get together again to watch Death Note again, Oh yeah! I just love both Light and L.

Now I feel like having some hot milo or chocolate with marshmallows and also an apple to bite.

Yummy

No word from him. I guess, that's it.

Ryuk

Seriously I think I made a very nice layout. Hahaha!!! Flattering myself there. It doesn't mean anything though.

Oh wow! I just hate being a bad girl. Escaping from things that I'm don't want to and escaping from things I don't really like. What does the whole thing means?

You insist I do it and finish it although I have already requested earlier that I don't want to do it. What do you take me as now? Your personal assistant? Your back-up gnerator that will help you do the work even when you are out partying?

Screw Your Ass! Bastard!

I am totally sick and tired of you that I am skipping Princess Hours on Ch U because I already have the DVD...! Wah! Act big ar Siti Sarinah! Stupid idiot selfish girl! Only know how to act big in front of mother only. But behind act like small kid. ...Isn't that suppose to be the other way round?

Kill Me for Pleasure

I feel like I have lost it again. My mind has gone-case. I am terribly in deep shit already. Why do I always get in this kinda of mess? I am sure know how to get into it but I have no idea how to get out of it. I am either stupid or useless.

I had a nice dream last night. I don't know what is it about but it was funny. There was a cute guy in the dream too. He looks familiar and no, it is not Kim Jeong Hoon, the guy who played Lee Yul in Princess Hours.

A lot of things are coming my way and I don't know how well am I receiving them. In a good way or in a bad way, I still have the house chores to do and my mother who's screaming at me.

Loosen Up

So he wants to let loose. He wants to forget everything but it ain't that easy. He start things that shouldn't even exist in the whole world. The world has lost its respect for him that things are turning upside down for him. He points to people on their wrong-doings and yet he is hiding his. He is saying things that he thinks are right but never think whether they should be said or not. I have lost my respect to him. His girls are crying and yet he talks of starting anew.

Severing ties doesn't help. The more problems he creates, the more problems he will occur. Cutting ties with the ones you loved most is the most regretful thing you have ever done. Letting them go is the most hurtful thing you have done to them. You will one day find yourself nowhere to go, nowhere to confide in, nowhere a shoulder to cry on.

You know, you are just being childish when you are already a grown-up man. You are not young anymore. I understand you are going through tough times with your job. You are losing times and money and you are in need of everything to be in a right positions. All those stress and pressures must be giving you a hard time. We all know that.

Remember this, What Goes Around Comes Around. Nothing will go bad if you had not done anything bad. Don't give people the cold shoulders when they are trying to help. Don't shut them down when they are trying to put some sense into you. Don't belittle them if you don't want to listen to them. Give them a nice NO to them rather than giving them a hit on the head.

I love you and I miss you. You have become a change person from the one that we all know. Let us know your problems and don't hide them away. But now that truth reveals little by little, I am afraid you might get an explosion in your heart.

Please as I am sorry in due further if I ever have hurt your feelings and minds. I am just doing and saying what I feel is right. To whoever you are that I am talking about, don't think too much about it. Live your life fully until a ripe old age and have a nice day...

So what is the drink today? VodKa-LiMe?

we WERE Green

Today is Sunday. It is a day the world called Family Day. To me it is more of a relaxing day. You are out to work every Monday to Friday and out with your friends or family members on Saturday and so therefore Sunday is a relaxing day. Well, for me it is. As for the rest of you, I guess not and I have still not drink my coffee.

Friday night went of down to St James Power Station for the Maxim Party. Fida dear asked me along the day before. Thought I didn't want to as I thought it might end late. Since it ended early at 10pm, I made my way down. Had nice entertainments in the party and nice drinks which I've not had for quite a while.

Fida's birthday is coming up. I guess I'll bring her out on a treat la. As usual. Hehehe!!! Fida? Reading this? What you want to eat? Don't want so expensive ar.

Slept like about 6am yesterday due to Yammie la! Watching Princess Hours at such late hours. Mom even came into the room. Scolded us for being too noisy and not sleeping since we both have to wake up early. Yammie has to go for her cheerleading performance and while I'm joining the rest for the Annual Hari Raya Bus Trip.

Got up at 10am. Showered, online for awhile and off to iron my baju kurung. It was a hard one this time. The fabric one. Guess it needs steaming too. Really hard and the start of the trip was not a pleasant one. As always. I just don't like it. I hate people asking why we are late and yet they ARE late and they still have the cheek to just smile about it. People please! Look at yourself and around you.

The whole trip went on well as usual. Lots of sarcasm, laughters, tears, joys, pain, Green and an additional one this time.. Princess Hours. What the hell la! I brought Yammie's iPod video and we watched Princess Hours. Lots of photo-takings as usual. Oh you know how vain we could all be and after all what is a digital camera for?
Off to Bukit Batok after the whole trip. Mom and the rest suggested to get Canadian 2-in-1 pizzas but it was closed. So, they went to KFC and bought chickens. Fried Noodles were prepared too but we hungry kids were really hungry.
Ganyut ad Seniman Bujang Lapok were our entertainment shows bu nothing beats the gatherings of us cousins. We were all having so much fun snapping shots of each others and especially the Confession+Connected kids. Hahaha!!! Crazy siak!

It was really hot. The whole day. The whole night. Once we got home, had a cold shower. Felt so nice. Slept at 4am and up at 2pm. Hehehe!!! NoW I want to drink coffee. I'm making my coffee.

Sarang-Ham Nida

It is irritating. It is distracting. In fact, my life seems like it is falling apart because of you. I shouldn't put the blame on you because it is my head and my heart that I can't control. I want to forget you but the more I try, the more you stays in. The more I think less of you, the more thoughts of you comes in.
Why are you even doing this to me? Do I really need to be punish this bad? Have I done so badly that I need to be remember all these? Can I not just knock my head hard onto the concrete wall until it bleeds and until my brain just goes blank and reset everything?
Seriously, you are just a distraction in my life. I wonder why you even came in the first place and why did I even accepted you in the 1st place?
It is so stupid. I feel so stupid and feel like laughing at myself stupidly but when I did I feel more stupider. I am so stupid that I want to just go back in time and start all over again when I got the chance but instead I got myself all tangled up in another episode of unneccessary life.

Wah! So emo la me. But what to do. I want to take it all out in the most sweetest way ever. Is that oKay?