Saturday, December 30, 2006

perHapz

..Am I the only one in the house? Working or not working it's still me. Everything is me. I guess this is how a female eldest always be. Happy or not happy, it's up to you to be lucky or unlucky. Sometimes I feel miserable but sometimes I just don't feel anything at all.

Now how? I can't wait to get out and work. Well, I messed up badly yeah.

I am really happy for now cousin, Sufyan. Being in the Civil Defence has made him a happy man now. He's all up and excited to start his FireFighter training. He can't wait to be posted to a fire station and starts being a firefighter. He is doing good and I am glad that he does. Although I told him that he totally reminded me of him, he is not at fault. I just have to be strong and face it how much I've screwed up.

Hari Raya Haji is coming. GD is coming back. Sigh, I hopefully she won't come back here. But then again, who am I to say or think? I just have to bear everything. I am still the one who have to be patient. I am still the one who have to face everything. I am still the one who still have to be around everything and hear and see and talk.... oK... bye bye

Sunday, December 24, 2006

>> 2007

2006 is coming to an end. How will it be for you? How will it be for everyone? ....How will it be for me?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Hallelujuah!

And so I'll be having 2 interviews on Tuesday. Apparently I've been telling my mom it's on Monday when Monday actually is a public holiday. It's Christmas.

And so dad had a fall due to some craving for turkey. Well, dad has not taken leave for a very long time am clearing it now. Apparently due to uncertain timing, something happened. He slipped and fall at a small slope over at Tekka. He got up only to find his right wrist bended and his whole arm was in pain. It was raining and the paths were all slippery. Dad walked as fast as possible to any lanes to try and get a taxi while trying to bear his pain. He finally got one and went to the hospital emergency ward immediately. He was warded that evening. Thankfully there was his friend there who helped him in the the emergency ward.
He called me right after I'm done watching The Host which he had just bought earlier morning along with The Devil That Wears Prada and was planning to watch it that same night. I received his call and for a second I felt panicked but somehow I managed to calm down. Mom has just got back from running errands and was just taking off her tudung. Once I gave her the news, she immediately put them on back and waited for me to shower. Yammie had to go to training as dad wasn't in a life-threatening situation, so there wasn't much to worry about.
When we got to the hospital, I couldn't go in to the ward as only one person is allowed. MOm went in and so I start wandering around in the hospital on the quiet foor of basement one. I even even ended walking a roundabout to the police office which a police even offered me to let me into the emergency ward in the alternative route. I told them it was okay and that I will enter by the front door. I made my quick escape by walking forward. There not much people except for 2 or 3 of them. They were all looking at me in a strange way where I'm wondering if I have done something wrong. I found an entrance and found myself at the entrance of the Neuroscience Institute Lab. I sat there and make my calls to the close relatives. Letting them know about dad.
Few minutes later, mom called and asked where I was. She told me to go up to the ward as dad was being transferred. I got up and went in the entrance and looking to my left, there it was... the mortuary. No wonder that place was like a deserted area. I have been with the dead for that whole 30 - 40 minutes.
Went up to the ward and went in to the bed where my dad is. Got in, saw him. First thing we did... Laughters. Yes! We laughed. I don't know why but we just kept on laughing.... Well! He started it! Sat on the bed and dad told us what happened and how he had fell. It was painful though. Saw the bended wrist and the swollen arm when a doctor came to check on it.
An hour later, an unexpected visit from Bik Nah, Wak Kam, Taufiq and Hidayah. It was Bik Nah's birthday and they were all worried about dad after I told them. We all left together at after 9pm.

The 2nd day dad in hospital, I went later in the evening. Dad had got his surgery done and the metal which are embedded in his hand are yet to be taken out. I wonder if they are gonna be taken out? He was really impatient and kept on moving about a lot. He can't move a lot yet until I thought my dad had period. It was actually blood dripping from his bandage. The blood leaks and dirtied his pants and the bed while he was having dinner.
Bik Sal and Cik Amin came later and apparently almost everybody were suprised at dad's fall and laughed when they heard th news, thinking it was a joke. Well, my dad is the most healthiest of us all and he has never fail to be not well.

Dad will be back today. He will still go to Vivocity with mom next week. He will still want that... turkey....

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

My Life Soundtrack

The rules:

1. Set your i-Pod/MP3 player/wherever-you-keep-your-music to shuffle.
2. Press play.
3. For every question, type the song that's playing.
4. When you get to a new question, press next.

So here it is -- the soundtrack of my life:

# Opening credits: Hoobastank - Same Direction
# Waking up: Uehara Takako - Glory

# Falling in love: Tohoshinki - Somebody To Love
# Fight song: Origa - Inner Universe

# Breaking up: H.O.T. - Soul (Instrumental)
# Making up: [Princess Hours Ost] - A Dancing Teddy

# Life's okay: 3 Doors Down - Here Without You

# Mental breakdown: The All American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret

# Driving: Tohoshinki - Hug (Instrumental)

# Flashbacks: Tohoshinki - Dangerous Mind

# Happy dance: Pussycat Dolls - Bite The Dust

# Regret: Tohoshinki - Balloons

# Final Battle: Tohoshinki - And...(Holding Back The Tears)
# Death scene: Bring Me To Life - Evanescene

# Final credits: H.O.T. - Do Or Die

4rm FidaInc.com....

~RaiN

Maybe I said a little too much.... Stop rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain ~

..~it coMez

It is not much but... I am making coffee and am going to drink as I read my book and listen to Kelly Clarkson & Justin Guarini's Timeless ...

Monday, December 18, 2006

heat ~up

It has been raining again today the whole day. Woke up at 10.30am by a phone call. Lied back down and couldn't go back to sleep. Read my book and fell asleep again after that. Mom came in and I was woken up. After telling her something, went back to sleep and later woke up again by another phone call. Got up, showered and called for me cousin.

..oKay, my dad retreats to his room as he tells mom that he's body is feeling weak. Instead, my mom yelled back at him saying, "Why body weak?! Because never watch movie?!" ...Like what the hell! ...Mom! Dad is just telling you that he's not feeling well. Why'd you get so work up for? ...Something wrong ar?!

Anyway, went to Popeye as I dreamt of eating some fried chickens and it has been a long time I have not been there for a meal. It was cold but it was okay once we start eating and talking. Didn't know that we were talking so much until it was already 7.30pm. Went to T2, everything really changed. T2 has become more sophisticated and the skytrain is not nice anymore.

It is raining still now. It has been non-stop eversince I got out the house til I came back until now.

Now... I have not drink any coffee. During this monsoon season, I'm having a feeling for coffee... Oh boy!

Intimidating

The day before yesterday, it wasn't raining at all. I read my book the whole night as I was, I heard thunder roaring and saw lightnings going on in the clouds. Wow! I kept saying, "rain! rain! rain" everytime I see the thunder clouds and I kept on looking at the clouds for a change of color. 2 - 3 hours later, the color of the clouds changed and somehow it has start raining. It wasn't heavy but it was raining. To take precautions, I brought in the towels. When I woke up later on as Yammie comes in to watch tv, it was raining heavily outside and the day was dark. The whole day.

When it is a rainy day, it also means that I am not in my best mood. I'm either feeling slacky or angry or whatever. Yesterday, the first thing I got was. Mom. She asked me about the mee soto's gravy which she had asked me to put in the big pot. She said the night before that she will get some noodles and want to add in some chickens and stuffs. We were alright with it as whatever she cooks, we'll eat it. But somehow, she asked if we want to eat it. Since the gravy is placed in the big pot, do we want to eat it or not. I mean, what the hell! She told us the night before of the plans she wants to do with the gravy and she asked the question like as if I am the one who wants it so badly and so on. Never mind! I saw dad trying to open up the 2nd main light cover on the ceiling. Yammie was helping him. But later on, she asked me to help him but I didn't want to. She got mad. Got mad... For what? For not helping dad? That's funny. Irritations and annoyance are infectious. I don't want to talk about how I have help around the house, I don't want to count like how many times I have help dad or not. Those things are ridiculous. If you are already in it, why don't you just finish it?

I have never complain if anybody does anything a lot more than me or I never complain if she watch too much korean shows or listening to punk music a lot all day or night or whenever, I don't care. Just let do what I want to do. If any of you can say what you want to say, I can say whatever I want to say. No matter you are old or young. But to the elders, try to show some respect. Just a little.

*rolled eyes*

It starts raining again 2 hours ago. Heavily. I love it. I hope it does later in the day. Well, not too heavy as I have plans....

Friday, December 15, 2006

What is the beSt?

Seriously! I do not know why but sometimes times just don't come well as it is. She said I don't do anything. At all! Not even cleaning my room. Like what the hell. If she thinks I'm such a loafer in the house, she might as well chase me out. I do not depend on people so why must she depend on me?
When the other room is in the mess, why didn't she say anything at all? Well she does say something but that was only for awhile. But for me, why does she have to go on and on and on? If I'm that hopeless, why do I even bother going out with her? Why do I even bother to pick her up from the bus-stop and all? Why do I even bother to do anything at all? Why do I even bother asking her for anything?

Seriously, I know that I screwed up big time but that doesn't mean I want to screw on other things too. Seriously, I want to kill myself.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Knock Out

Went out to meet BFFs. On Sunday went out with my BFF. Sigh. Wonder who came up with the acronyms "BFF" .... It was tiring as on Sunday, there were lots of walking and today, there were lots of talking and laughing. As always with the BFFs.

I've been tired lately. The other day, I couldn't sleep again and I ended up staying up the whole night again. Wanted to sleep in the day but couldn't. That same night, I went to sleep as normal and until yesterday, I was sleeping and waking up normally. Well actually last night or rather this morning, I slept at 5 am. I do not want to sleep so late again. Well, it's my habit that sometimes I get caught up in YouTube. Aaah... Bless YouTube.

Everywhere I see are upgradings, renovations. Constructions everywhere. Non-stop! I'm feeling kind of tired of seeing them. Especially in my area. I wonder when the upgradings are going to stop.

The end of the year is coming. My eyes are feeling kind of sleepy right now. I guess due to the nicely cold weather. I was drenched while on the back this afternoon. I didn't want to just wait under a block while the rain starts to stop or slow down. I had no umbrella and so I just walked home. Once I reached, I had a shower and ate my breakfast-cum-lunch-cum-dinner. yes, dinner too. I know I'm not going to eat anything tonight because I am feeling rather sleepy right now and I am sure I would have no strength to eat anything or even cook up anything.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Already 8.30 am... Can't sleep.... What should I do now?

Blue Sky

I'm halfway through the part-time report. Couldn't sleep the whole night again. Was worried over why my period didn't come but I can't rest my case now. I have never been this worried over my period not coming before. Hah!

Watched I. Robot on Star Movies. Finally I get to watched it. Only I missed the first 5 minutes. Watched episode 6 of The O.C. season 4. Haha!! I love it. he O.C. man!

Having coffee with hershey chocolate. Oh boy! Suddenly there are so many chocolates in the house. No. The hershey chocolate is not the eating chocolate. It's the chocolate powder andso I mixed it in the coffee. Taste nice. That bitterly chocolate taste in the coffee. Love it.

Got a good news from a source and I am happy for my friend. At last the time has come for her to have it. I wish her all the luck and I wish her all the best in all that she wants.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Hope

I find it refreshing today. Well actually not. I felt it is like any other day. I had a good sleep last night. Well actually morning. My eyes were sleepy last night but when I tried to sleep, I couldn't sleep. So, I watched Tohoshinki's music videos that I downloaded and than continued reading a book. Until finally it is 4.30am, I decided to retire and yeah! I fell asleep. Woke up at 9am and later at 11am. Woken up by a phone call by TJ. Met TJ at 1pm and as always, got him to treat me to a meal. Haha!! Long time have not chattered.... Came back around 3pm and later on watched the hindi movie on Central. It was not a nice movie. I find the movie eccentric though. But if it is Shah Rukh Khan or Aamir Khan, it ain't no eccentric movie man!

High Time

I can't help but thinking what GD must be saying to her favorite son about her days spent while she was here. How cold we were, how cruel we were, how rude were. I can't help but thinking. I even visualise that her favorite son came over confronting me about my behavior about it. Sigh. I don't know why I keep thinking about such things. They are definitely ridiculous and unneccessary.

I am not very please with myself right now though. I know but I appreciate it that some people are off my back now since they've already expected it anyway. I can think properly now in my bunk. All to myself, on my own. No distruptions after shutting my door.

TJ called and asked for a favor. Well I guess I could do it for one last time.

Friday, December 08, 2006

On & On

Okay. I guess I am a little slow on this. Now I know why I was late on Monday and why there were many many people at he bus-stop. Someone commited suicide at the Yishun MRT track. Most people have no choice but to go for he taxi or the bus. That was why my bus was really loaded. Sigh.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Asu Wa Kuru Kara : Because tomorrow Will Come

It's like almost 5am. I've been up for 2 hours sending out application. Always send out applications at this time so that those people will see it in the morning.

Dad just woke up few minutes ago to watch soccer. A Man U match though.

I don't know how long this will go on. Lots of people are just pissed with me because I'm always job-hopping. Some people just don't know what to say anymore. Well, I would just rather they don't say anything anymore. Because everytime someone say something, it is just so vexing. So I hope someone just let me do what I want to do. I appreciate your attentions there but at times I still need my space of thinking... And now that I have got my thinking space back again, I am making full use of it. I love my thinking space. Just being in there on my own. Being on my own and being on my own. No one talking to me, no one polluting the air around me, no one making nonsense noise, no one saying anything on their own about me or about somebody else in there. It is just me and me and me and I and meself and myself and my own self.

Asu Wa Kuru Kara... Because Tomorrow Will Come. It's the title song of an ending to the anime One Pice. Sung by Tohoshinki. I'm feeling kind of sleepy right now. Dad still watching his soccer. Not going too much hope though. ...I don't feel bad that you are not in me anymore.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Candy

I have not slept for more than 16 hours. I only had small doze offs in the bus while on the way back home. When I came back, my eyes felt sleepy but I was hungry and so I ate dinner. Went on YouTube and found new videos. Watched another game show and I remembered a friend taught me before. But seeing that game show, being played by those celebrities were really funny. Anyway, it is almost 1 am. I better catch some sleep and hope I'll make it to work tomorrow and SO! on to another new flight~.....

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

timeLess

I actually got sleepy! I slept! In the bus! I noticed I started yawning like about around 3.30pm. I was getting all tired and in to my work but I was yawning. Oh boy!
Now! I'm home! I ate my dinner as I was really hungry and I am feeling kind of sleepy. I am feeling really sleepy. I just want to sleep now and I don't want to shower. I just want to go sleep. But if only I have my own time. If only I could be on my own... Do I have to plug in again?

Phantom "iv"

...And yes! Good morning everybody. It is going to be 8am soon. To be exact, I did not sleep a wink. Although the comfy sofa in the living room sinks me in. With music on the background and the cool wind from the ceiling fan and me without any blanket, I sleep won't sleep. No matter how I try as I shut my eyes.

Dad will be home few hours time. Mom is asleep and she might just try to wake me up later, finding I'm already out. GD I suppose should be already half awake right now. My sister is now in deep sleep, dreaming about Ryan and Taylor being together. Oh wait! I'm thinking about that so I gues she is dreaming about something god knows what.

Yes, insomnia can goes for a long time but when can it end? When can mine end?

I should leave for work now.

What will happen today? The good or the bad? I try not to think about it but I guess something bad might happen. ..Wish I could see my doppleganger right now.

Phantom 3

Somehow, my bed doesn't feel good anymore. In fact, the sofa in the living room feels more comfortable than ever. ...Where is my doppleganger now heh?

Phantom II

Apparently I can't sleep. What should I do? I want to read a book but I can't read in the dark. I want to count sheeps but there are no sheeps. I want to listen to some music but I do not want so by plugging on my earphones. I want to sleep but I can't sleep. This is irritating. Slept only for an hour or two and now I'm up. I am not looking forward to anything anymore is it? Haha!! I watched too much of The O.C. ....

Monday, December 04, 2006

Phantom "i"

Apparently I'm feeling kind of sleepy right now. I don't know. I think it is about this one coffee I drank. The best thing, it got kick too. It got that "power" I used to feel when drinking Starbuck's coffee. It gives this adrenaline rush in your whole body and it feels so good. I somehow feel like Hammy in Over The Hedge. Oh yes! Going to borrow that dvd from Nur Raihan, my dearest cousin.

Okay. I am going to try and sleep and try to have a good day at work.

Perseverance. I feel I can't have perseverance in me. I believe I do not have perseverance in my blood, in my head, in my heart, in my brain, in my mind. I do not have it at all. I think I never had it. Ever. Before. Should I have it and add it into me? What if I do not want to? What if it never do me good at all? What should I do? Jump down a building and die? Those none courage-able words really don't do me good. I sleep.

Shows ~ Clips ~ All

I spend too much time on YouTube. Do I? I don't think so. I am just watching shows which are not shown on our Singapore channels. There are many shows I like and want to watch and I found lots more shows and clips on YouTube. ....Bless YouTube.com

Friday, December 01, 2006

i love this world

Metamorphosis;-
1. Biology. a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, as from the caterpillar to the pupa and from the pupa to the adult butterfly. Compare complete metamorphosis.
2. a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.
3. any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.
4. a form resulting from any such change.
5. Pathology.
a. a type of alteration or degeneration in which tissues are changed: fatty metamorphosis of the liver.
b. the resultant form.
6. Botany. the structural or functional modification of a plant organ or structure during its development.

There is nothing interesting such as The O.C. ....Ryan Ackwood is back with the 4th season of The O.C.. No Marissa but the storyline can never be more exciting without Ryan Ackwood. The whole thing is so interesting and I never though I would get hook up on the show. It is the best show in the whole wide world. Step aside Beverly Hills and step aside Laguna Beach. What can be more wonderful than The O.C. ...Woo-hoo!!!! I love you all The O.C. fans. Is there anybody I can talk to about The O.C. than my sister?