RaiN

This week the feeling came again but I am stable. I am fine. I concentrated on my work. I concentrated on everything going ons around me. I am feeling happy but at the same time I am feeling weird.
-doesheremembermestill-willhecallme-shouldhebemad@me...ishefiNe-doeshemissme__

I was really in a bad mood yesterday. The weather can vouch for it. Everytime I'm not in a good mood, the weather will change. It's get dark and starts raining.

I am doing the hands-on of my senior. I have heard of her alot eversince I was at Tuas office. Mostly negative things. Nothing positives. I only heard about it and now I have seen it, I have feel it. I am really fucked up. She is really one hell of a stupid lady! Only know how to twist the words whenever someone starts asking her some things or telling her some things.
She taught me a certain procedure of making those card passes. She left out one other last step. When asked if she has taught me, she said that that time I wasn't concentrating. That was why I didn't know about it. LIKE WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT!? My other 2 colleagues than just told her to show me how to do it.
Later on, when I called her to show me the step and where the destination of the folder of whatsoever in the pc, she purposely just sat at her desk and make me wait. Totally fed-up, I figured out the last step on my own. Gambling on either it's going to wrong or right.
I wrote down the destination of the folder and steps in my exercise and later on double-checked with her (who is STILL sitting at her deSk!). Showing her the steps I've written in my exercise book. She looked into it and hold my exercise book, wanting to pull it away but I held on to it tight and not let her take it away. She said oKay and that was it. I just sat back at my workstation and continued my work. My 2 colleagues asked me if I'm oKay as thy scared that I might erupt over the matter as all the people in the company knows that she is one hell of a troubled-stupid-crazy-slow-idiot lady. (She thinks she knows everything but actually not). I told them that I'm fine. If I'm really not happy, I will voice out. I'm patience.
Later on, she wants to show me the boxes of envelopes which are place under a table in the office. She called me over and so I went. She hold my arm and pulled me. She hold it tighter and tried pulling me again. I didnt want to move. The more she pulled, the more I stayed. I pulled my arm away after that. I was really not happy. She squatted down to show me which envelopes are in which boxes. I have totally lost my mood. She told me to squat down too but i didnt want to. After she explained to me, I walked away and seek refuge at the usual place and talked about it.

She is stupid. She is arrogant. She is VERY RUDE. She is really transparent. She is neve self-conscious. NOT EVEN ONE BIT. She is really someone who can give you a terrible migraine and high blood pressure.
I am surviving. I have another 2 1/8 months to go. I can make it. I just like it when I get busy.

I'll get busy whenever new Employees of the company comes in or Indian/Thai/Bangladeshi /Burma workers comes in. Calling out their names one by one to go have their photos taken is really a new experience for me. Calling out those Indian and Bangladeshi workers name are not so hard although some like making our tongues twisted but calling out the names of those Burma and Thai workers, haha!!! Sometimes you just scared if it comes out wrong from our mouth. Not easy man!

Oh well//I want to watch Faana. Aamir Khan and KaJoL la. I sleep every morning in the transport now....

doiloveyoustill>>

Something is wr0ng and I couldnt quite figure it out. Sigh. This is hard. Should I or should I not?

oLd MemoiRz

woke up really early. i couldnt sleep anymore. i heard dad came back from work but when i got out to go toilet, he wasnt anywhere to be seen. I showered, had breakfast, watched Mushishi, update my group blog and as afternoon came, dad was home. While he was unlocking the gate and coming in, he was saying something to me which i couldnt quite catch. When I lowered down my mp3 volume, I was stunned by what he told me. He mentioned a name I have long not heard or said but only existing my mind and heart. I have not forgotten that name. I remember. I still do.

I read the newspaper articles of him which dad showed me. I informed the others about it. I was happy upon reading the article. I was happy. Glad. Syukur, alhamdullilah.

I didnt talked much about it. I dont want it taking over my mind again. So, I let the news in into my heart and keep it there. It is there now. I am... gLad.

SooN. I wonder how it is going to be.

Twisted Around

Something is just not right. The feelings are just wrong. Many things just went on to a different level while some just stays on. While others make an effort to move on, I tend to tell myself that everything will be alright.

Expectations became unexpected and I am thinking of the one that can never happen. Why do I say that? Is it because I want it to happen and that is why I am telling myself that it is not going to happen?

I couldn't sleep anymore. I couldn't wake up late. I fell I am having a headache right now for sleeping too long. Yes, I slept early yesterday and I woke up early today. Used to it already. Everyday sleep early and waking up late.

Things seem to be going on fine right now. I am in the 1st phase I guess. Starting life all over again after a long term of depressing myself down to the stone flat, I seem to be taking things in my control again.

I am a living doll whom less people can read my mind. Others would only think that I am either capable or incapable of doing things.

What the hell! I am not from Burma la! What an insuLt. I met a stubborn Burmese and I strongly detest being thought of I'm a Burmese. I couldn't care less anymore of people thinking where I am from but what I got from my father, I have a Gurkha face. Yeah! Don't play play with Gurkhas ar, you'll be sorry.

think about it

"sometimes, to appear smart, u just have to shut up and think about what u have said.. and u'll realise u were being stupid." - mary

Copied that from Mary's blog. She's my step-cousin. what she said is true. i just love it.

This job I am in is really making me tired. Well, yes I like the busy-ness going on for me but to welcome a foreigner at times I think we would have to think twice. If they are just going to step on others and start saying thigs which are non-logical at all, what is the use to have them in Singapore?
I am suppose to be received the hands-on from a new colleague. I will be taking over her responsibilities while she will have to move on to a higher level for a little while. Yes, more responsibilities for her and stuffs. Everybody could see that she wasn't happy that I got in. Well, can't be help as someone needs to go for maternity leave. M, I shall call her. M wasnt happy that I am around. She taught me the stuffs that I have to look after and she wasn't really absolute at all. All she did was just pretend I was invisible. Pretend that I was not there. She only call for me when she need to show me how to do things. When I call her, she pretend she never hear me. WTH! M is very famous in the main office and she is also famous in the other office. My Goodness! Everybody seems to know about her. She thinks she is right and she is so stubborn. She cannot take in proper instructions, she cant give out proper instructions. She is rude and she is inappropriate. She thinks she is so clever and she think she is so smart and all she does is... laugh, smile... tomorrow might never come.

Chey! tt's Kal Ho Naa Ho! No No no!!! spoiLt the movie image onli!

Anyway, really stupid oNe la. I am always visualising when the day would come when the real actions are going to start. I am thinking of preparing 10 boxes of Panadol Extra but I don't want to end up in a hospital bed again.
I hope nothing will go wrong. I hope everything will be alright. I hope I will be fiNe.

I am going to be fine.

it is a small world after all.... dont u thK?

I have completed my 3 weeks task in Tuas. I have transferred back to where I am originally suppose to be. Jurong Island. Although it was painful of leaving the Tuas office, I have to move on and accept what is coming ahead for me.
I arrived the Jurong Island office to start my new task over there. My friend, Sallyn was on leave today and so therefore, I wasnt with her to take the transport together. She had got her friend to guide me. Anyway, when I got to Jurong Island office, I stepped in and look inside. Look for those particular people and met my boss. She explained to me on what are the tasks I will be doing and under whose guidance I would be under. She explained to me on future happenings if god's will let me have it. I was delighted to hear on what she is offering me and I hope to be doing well on my new task. After the meeting, I went on and start my task. I met the people whom I've already known from the Tuas office.
Lunch time, my department's director treated us lunch. We had... well... fast food lerr... KFC la, pizza hut la, long john silver la. I wasn't keen on joining but they wanted me too. After all eating, our director wanted the newbies to introduce ourselves. I thought I could escape since lunchtime was already up but NO! I was the very last one. I didn't say much. I answered what he needs to know and so be it.
Went on to continue my task and oh boy! I can't wait to move on further... Out! Met another Sallyn's colleague. She knew me as Sallyn's told her about me. It is nice to come to a new place and have many people are already acquaintant about me. Before that, a chinese girl came up to me while I was familiarising the front desk system there. She asked me if I know her. 1st glanced, I did not know her but when she told me where she is from and everything, I realised. She was my classmate back in secondary school.
Isn't cool! I have 2 Northland Secs' friends working at the same company! What a smaLL world!
It was like a tiny-weeny reunion. Haha!!
But... the department I am in, I don't feel good about it.
Thankfully, the task is only applicable to me for 3 months. After that, I am hopping to go where I want.....

I Love You ALL!

Yesterday, brought fried rice to work. I missed Sallyn as her transport had gone off 1st. So, I had to packed it as document and despatched it internally from Tuas to Jurong IsLand. I packed it for Sophian, Muharam and Kat too. We had lunch together. Kat heated them up one by on before we had it. I couldn't finish mine as Sophian was joking around alot. The victims, Kat (20%), Muharam (40%), Siti (40%). ...haiZ~... hahaha.... After eating, we shared stories while Sophian played his War Craft on his laptop. Me and Muharam shared stories about how we got our names and went about our family. As the story went to Kat, she shared her most deeply saddest and angriest moment with us. I could see and felt the emotions in her. Her face changes as she talks about her family. I consoled her, told her to calm down and told her not to cry as she looks like she wanted to cry. But! seconds after I said that, she actually CRIED! She went on with her story, pouring it out angrily but she was crying. We panicked! I wanted to get tissues but Muharam has run out of them. We sat nearer to Kat and calmed her down. She kept saying she's oKay but we were realli... oh boy! Sophian cheered her up quickly too. I changed the subject later on about old times back in school. We talked about the games we played. One game which every boy and girl would know is the string game. The one which we would twist them and undo them and ...aiyah! don't know how to explain la. Muharam even plugged off de mini mouse from Sophian's laptop to do de string thing. We were laughing Sophian off cuz he was in the middle of his game. The mouse was returned to him after that.
As we still were talking about that game, Kat told us about her plight on playing the string game on her own. To our knowledge, we would need 2 person to play that game. She told us about how she played that game on her own... It really brought tears for me and Muharam. We couldn't stop laughing after that. It was really funny. The way she explained it and all.
Good times ended and we were back to our workstation.
It was really fuN. ...I think, that was the only best moment I had in Tuas office.
Later on in the evening, coffee spilled on my favorite white shirt and jeans. I had it washed in the toilet and dried it under the hand dryer. Sigh. I had a meeting after that. Thankfully, the stains wasn't too obvious after the wash.

Waited for Sallyn at Sembawang after that. We dropped at the same stop though. Followed her home to get her stuffs as she was going back to Yishun. Went to the library after that to return my book and had coffee with her for awhile. ..... ...... ... .. . ....I had a nice time though but I was really tired and feeling sleepy after that.
As I got home, I didn't realise it was already past teN.
I showered, I ate, I checked my maiL. I sLept.

aNgRy

i am so frustrated. i am so angry. should i be?
it'll be my last day over at rotary engrg. i hate it there but i like it there.
what do i mean!?
don't want to tell.
iM so broke. i can onLi wait untiL next month sey. sickening sey. some particuLar persoN still can joke with me about it ar! sick men!

i am still in search and i believe now i can say i am ready. ready to settle down.
NO!
not get married la!
ready to get a job which i want to settle down in.
i have calmed down and i am doing fine right now. i am out of questions going on in my head and i've let my tears dried out.

i hope i can trust my words.

im gonna start missing some people. it's so sad to think about it but hey... moving on, moving on, moving on....

Seishun Amigo = Youth Amigo = Youth Friend

i translated de japanese to english and the spanish to english. how i wish i could go back to school and have a good time with my friends. well. i don't realli have a good time back in school. was absent for a long time or once. missed out at some activities and wasnt realli communicating around much. i was quiet. was i? realli? i was timid. was i? i was alone. realli? i guess.

watching Nobuta wo Produce, a japanese drama about a popular guy and a not popular guy who keeps following him helped a helpless bullied girl to become known in the school. they became cloe friends in the end. finding out about themselves more and more once they got to know each other better. how i was i have a good friendship back in school.

oh well. i guess, i do hv frenz now. i made gd frenz too. i still have frenz from school who are still around and knowing that im still existing in this world. it's realli nice to know that i still have acquaintances around. at least, i know, im not such a lonely person.

but. i am lonely.... realli. useless?

she was ranting. i couldnt help it. i had a good time. it was not all de time but it was once in a lifetime. i have no choice. wait. i do have a choice. i heard her. i listened. i shared. we grumbled. we had laughters across the network. for each other.

tRance

I don't know why of all languages, you have to watch the chinese language one? I really don't understand you. I mean, it is not that you can't watch it la but you not tired meh?

I'm like hardworking today. I woke up early, I did the laundries and the weather is just so bloody hot! If I am at the west side right now, I'm enjoying comfort windy weather. Now in the north is just summer all day long and all night long.

Aiyah! I put on my earpHones for nothing la siak.

Im cutting down on coffee. Im cuttng down on caffeine. Am I? Should I?...oh! how do I make miLo anyway? Creamer or MiLk?

words that meant

my dear, i am thinking of you again. i got to know you are doing fine. that was nice to hear. it's been few months. i am moving on. i hope you are too. although you are in there. i know you are not to be worried about. i do think of you now and then. i don't want to know if u remember me or not. you are still in my heart and i hope de best for you. i wish for the day where you will be happy again and everything will be fine for you. Insyallah. The day will come for you.

So SooN?

going to work has never been the same again. i met 2 people who are similar to whom i met 6 years ago. de only difference is, 6 years ago where chineses and now they are malays. going to work because you need an income is one thing. but being at work because you are going to be with these great people are another thing. if your work is not so interesting but you have great members or colleagues or frenz with ya, it's just amazing how nice going to work is.
Unfortunately, meeting up and getting to know these guys and spending time with them doesnt last long. It is only for a short while and i really have great times with them.

Today, I had early lunch at 11.30am. Wanted to to go down Tuas Ave 13 to get my fruit juice. Sophian had asked me to get some cigarettes with him. I agreed. So, I asked Muharam and KatheriNe if they want anything too. Katherine didnt want anything and meanwhile, Muharam and Sophian were arguing at each other on how could I go alone and nobody companying me. I was alright going by myself though. They were still arguing when I left.
After I walked out of the gate, I remembered something. Muharam wanted a fruit juice too but I didnt ask him what fruit juice he wants. I wanted to call him or Sophian and Katherine's but I have neither their number nor the company's number. I wanted to call Shoba but the reception was on off. So, I walked back in to their office and straight away called for Muharam. They looked at me stunned and panicked and wondering what happened. I asked him, what fruit juice he wants. Feeling guilty. (I don't know for what), Sophian and Muharam got me sit down in the office instead while they hopped on Sophian's bike and off they went to ave 13 to get the fruit juice. I used Muharam's pc to surf the internet while they were out. (Well, I was allowed to use since I allowed them something to view something. Haha!!!). In less than 10 mins, they were back.
Lunch was nice. Jokes were all around.
Break time. I had nice jokes and talks with Sophian and Muharam.
It's like finalli i hear something out of Muharam while talking with him.

Muahaha!!!

Okay ar... I want to mandi ar!

What to wear tomorrow ar!?

Something More

im tired la. bt it's good la. i've never felt this way for a long time. going to work has never felt better. i met new friends and they are all realli fancy. they are great people. i met 2 similar people like i've known for 6 years at my new workplace. i was very happy but things are developing and i hope everything will go well.
although i am stationing in tuas, now i don't feel like going over to jurong island anymore. i want to stay in tuas. haha!! de reason. 2 monkeys. 1 cat. i never felt lonely anymore that they are around. they are really fun to be with. i want to hang out with them alot more.

yesterdae, i woke up late. i was totally in blur. i felt like i don't know what to do but i want to go to work. i missed my transport. oh man! i asked dad for some cash and took a cab to work. it was the most heart pain situation i've ever been in to. $20.80. tsktsktsk!!!! there goes all my lunch money too.
But although i had a lunch with the cool bunch, the lunch wasnt realli nice. But the coke was nice.

Today, I made it a point to wake up late. I never thought it would be so late. 2pm. i got up, showered, ate a slice of bread with butter. Drank tea, watched anime and by 4pm, I was feeling kinda sleepy. I cant help it. I went back to sleep. A nap.

i think i like you now. looking forward to knowing you better.