perHapz

..Am I the only one in the house? Working or not working it's still me. Everything is me. I guess this is how a female eldest always be. Happy or not happy, it's up to you to be lucky or unlucky. Sometimes I feel miserable but sometimes I just don't feel anything at all.

Now how? I can't wait to get out and work. Well, I messed up badly yeah.

I am really happy for now cousin, Sufyan. Being in the Civil Defence has made him a happy man now. He's all up and excited to start his FireFighter training. He can't wait to be posted to a fire station and starts being a firefighter. He is doing good and I am glad that he does. Although I told him that he totally reminded me of him, he is not at fault. I just have to be strong and face it how much I've screwed up.

Hari Raya Haji is coming. GD is coming back. Sigh, I hopefully she won't come back here. But then again, who am I to say or think? I just have to bear everything. I am still the one who have to be patient. I am still the one who have to face everything. I am still the one who still have to be around everything and hear and see and talk.... oK... bye bye

>> 2007

2006 is coming to an end. How will it be for you? How will it be for everyone? ....How will it be for me?

Hallelujuah!

And so I'll be having 2 interviews on Tuesday. Apparently I've been telling my mom it's on Monday when Monday actually is a public holiday. It's Christmas.

And so dad had a fall due to some craving for turkey. Well, dad has not taken leave for a very long time am clearing it now. Apparently due to uncertain timing, something happened. He slipped and fall at a small slope over at Tekka. He got up only to find his right wrist bended and his whole arm was in pain. It was raining and the paths were all slippery. Dad walked as fast as possible to any lanes to try and get a taxi while trying to bear his pain. He finally got one and went to the hospital emergency ward immediately. He was warded that evening. Thankfully there was his friend there who helped him in the the emergency ward.
He called me right after I'm done watching The Host which he had just bought earlier morning along with The Devil That Wears Prada and was planning to watch it that same night. I received his call and for a second I felt panicked but somehow I managed to calm down. Mom has just got back from running errands and was just taking off her tudung. Once I gave her the news, she immediately put them on back and waited for me to shower. Yammie had to go to training as dad wasn't in a life-threatening situation, so there wasn't much to worry about.
When we got to the hospital, I couldn't go in to the ward as only one person is allowed. MOm went in and so I start wandering around in the hospital on the quiet foor of basement one. I even even ended walking a roundabout to the police office which a police even offered me to let me into the emergency ward in the alternative route. I told them it was okay and that I will enter by the front door. I made my quick escape by walking forward. There not much people except for 2 or 3 of them. They were all looking at me in a strange way where I'm wondering if I have done something wrong. I found an entrance and found myself at the entrance of the Neuroscience Institute Lab. I sat there and make my calls to the close relatives. Letting them know about dad.
Few minutes later, mom called and asked where I was. She told me to go up to the ward as dad was being transferred. I got up and went in the entrance and looking to my left, there it was... the mortuary. No wonder that place was like a deserted area. I have been with the dead for that whole 30 - 40 minutes.
Went up to the ward and went in to the bed where my dad is. Got in, saw him. First thing we did... Laughters. Yes! We laughed. I don't know why but we just kept on laughing.... Well! He started it! Sat on the bed and dad told us what happened and how he had fell. It was painful though. Saw the bended wrist and the swollen arm when a doctor came to check on it.
An hour later, an unexpected visit from Bik Nah, Wak Kam, Taufiq and Hidayah. It was Bik Nah's birthday and they were all worried about dad after I told them. We all left together at after 9pm.

The 2nd day dad in hospital, I went later in the evening. Dad had got his surgery done and the metal which are embedded in his hand are yet to be taken out. I wonder if they are gonna be taken out? He was really impatient and kept on moving about a lot. He can't move a lot yet until I thought my dad had period. It was actually blood dripping from his bandage. The blood leaks and dirtied his pants and the bed while he was having dinner.
Bik Sal and Cik Amin came later and apparently almost everybody were suprised at dad's fall and laughed when they heard th news, thinking it was a joke. Well, my dad is the most healthiest of us all and he has never fail to be not well.

Dad will be back today. He will still go to Vivocity with mom next week. He will still want that... turkey....

My Life Soundtrack

The rules:

1. Set your i-Pod/MP3 player/wherever-you-keep-your-music to shuffle.
2. Press play.
3. For every question, type the song that's playing.
4. When you get to a new question, press next.

So here it is -- the soundtrack of my life:

# Opening credits: Hoobastank - Same Direction
# Waking up: Uehara Takako - Glory
# Falling in love: Tohoshinki - Somebody To Love
# Fight song: Origa - Inner Universe
# Breaking up: H.O.T. - Soul (Instrumental)
# Making up: [Princess Hours Ost] - A Dancing Teddy
# Life's okay: 3 Doors Down - Here Without You
# Mental breakdown: The All American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret
# Driving: Tohoshinki - Hug (Instrumental)
# Flashbacks: Tohoshinki - Dangerous Mind
# Happy dance: Pussycat Dolls - Bite The Dust
# Regret: Tohoshinki - Balloons
# Final Battle: Tohoshinki - And...(Holding Back The Tears)
# Death scene: Bring Me To Life - Evanescene
# Final credits: H.O.T. - Do Or Die

4rm FidaInc.com....

~RaiN

Maybe I said a little too much.... Stop rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain~rain~ rain ~

..~it coMez

It is not much but... I am making coffee and am going to drink as I read my book and listen to Kelly Clarkson & Justin Guarini's Timeless ...

heat ~up

It has been raining again today the whole day. Woke up at 10.30am by a phone call. Lied back down and couldn't go back to sleep. Read my book and fell asleep again after that. Mom came in and I was woken up. After telling her something, went back to sleep and later woke up again by another phone call. Got up, showered and called for me cousin.

..oKay, my dad retreats to his room as he tells mom that he's body is feeling weak. Instead, my mom yelled back at him saying, "Why body weak?! Because never watch movie?!" ...Like what the hell! ...Mom! Dad is just telling you that he's not feeling well. Why'd you get so work up for? ...Something wrong ar?!

Anyway, went to Popeye as I dreamt of eating some fried chickens and it has been a long time I have not been there for a meal. It was cold but it was okay once we start eating and talking. Didn't know that we were talking so much until it was already 7.30pm. Went to T2, everything really changed. T2 has become more sophisticated and the skytrain is not nice anymore.

It is raining still now. It has been non-stop eversince I got out the house til I came back until now.

Now... I have not drink any coffee. During this monsoon season, I'm having a feeling for coffee... Oh boy!

Intimidating

The day before yesterday, it wasn't raining at all. I read my book the whole night as I was, I heard thunder roaring and saw lightnings going on in the clouds. Wow! I kept saying, "rain! rain! rain" everytime I see the thunder clouds and I kept on looking at the clouds for a change of color. 2 - 3 hours later, the color of the clouds changed and somehow it has start raining. It wasn't heavy but it was raining. To take precautions, I brought in the towels. When I woke up later on as Yammie comes in to watch tv, it was raining heavily outside and the day was dark. The whole day.

When it is a rainy day, it also means that I am not in my best mood. I'm either feeling slacky or angry or whatever. Yesterday, the first thing I got was. Mom. She asked me about the mee soto's gravy which she had asked me to put in the big pot. She said the night before that she will get some noodles and want to add in some chickens and stuffs. We were alright with it as whatever she cooks, we'll eat it. But somehow, she asked if we want to eat it. Since the gravy is placed in the big pot, do we want to eat it or not. I mean, what the hell! She told us the night before of the plans she wants to do with the gravy and she asked the question like as if I am the one who wants it so badly and so on. Never mind! I saw dad trying to open up the 2nd main light cover on the ceiling. Yammie was helping him. But later on, she asked me to help him but I didn't want to. She got mad. Got mad... For what? For not helping dad? That's funny. Irritations and annoyance are infectious. I don't want to talk about how I have help around the house, I don't want to count like how many times I have help dad or not. Those things are ridiculous. If you are already in it, why don't you just finish it?

I have never complain if anybody does anything a lot more than me or I never complain if she watch too much korean shows or listening to punk music a lot all day or night or whenever, I don't care. Just let do what I want to do. If any of you can say what you want to say, I can say whatever I want to say. No matter you are old or young. But to the elders, try to show some respect. Just a little.

*rolled eyes*

It starts raining again 2 hours ago. Heavily. I love it. I hope it does later in the day. Well, not too heavy as I have plans....

What is the beSt?

Seriously! I do not know why but sometimes times just don't come well as it is. She said I don't do anything. At all! Not even cleaning my room. Like what the hell. If she thinks I'm such a loafer in the house, she might as well chase me out. I do not depend on people so why must she depend on me?
When the other room is in the mess, why didn't she say anything at all? Well she does say something but that was only for awhile. But for me, why does she have to go on and on and on? If I'm that hopeless, why do I even bother going out with her? Why do I even bother to pick her up from the bus-stop and all? Why do I even bother to do anything at all? Why do I even bother asking her for anything?

Seriously, I know that I screwed up big time but that doesn't mean I want to screw on other things too. Seriously, I want to kill myself.

Knock Out

Went out to meet BFFs. On Sunday went out with my BFF. Sigh. Wonder who came up with the acronyms "BFF" .... It was tiring as on Sunday, there were lots of walking and today, there were lots of talking and laughing. As always with the BFFs.

I've been tired lately. The other day, I couldn't sleep again and I ended up staying up the whole night again. Wanted to sleep in the day but couldn't. That same night, I went to sleep as normal and until yesterday, I was sleeping and waking up normally. Well actually last night or rather this morning, I slept at 5 am. I do not want to sleep so late again. Well, it's my habit that sometimes I get caught up in YouTube. Aaah... Bless YouTube.

Everywhere I see are upgradings, renovations. Constructions everywhere. Non-stop! I'm feeling kind of tired of seeing them. Especially in my area. I wonder when the upgradings are going to stop.

The end of the year is coming. My eyes are feeling kind of sleepy right now. I guess due to the nicely cold weather. I was drenched while on the back this afternoon. I didn't want to just wait under a block while the rain starts to stop or slow down. I had no umbrella and so I just walked home. Once I reached, I had a shower and ate my breakfast-cum-lunch-cum-dinner. yes, dinner too. I know I'm not going to eat anything tonight because I am feeling rather sleepy right now and I am sure I would have no strength to eat anything or even cook up anything.

Already 8.30 am... Can't sleep.... What should I do now?

Blue Sky

I'm halfway through the part-time report. Couldn't sleep the whole night again. Was worried over why my period didn't come but I can't rest my case now. I have never been this worried over my period not coming before. Hah!

Watched I. Robot on Star Movies. Finally I get to watched it. Only I missed the first 5 minutes. Watched episode 6 of The O.C. season 4. Haha!! I love it. he O.C. man!

Having coffee with hershey chocolate. Oh boy! Suddenly there are so many chocolates in the house. No. The hershey chocolate is not the eating chocolate. It's the chocolate powder andso I mixed it in the coffee. Taste nice. That bitterly chocolate taste in the coffee. Love it.

Got a good news from a source and I am happy for my friend. At last the time has come for her to have it. I wish her all the luck and I wish her all the best in all that she wants.

Hope

I find it refreshing today. Well actually not. I felt it is like any other day. I had a good sleep last night. Well actually morning. My eyes were sleepy last night but when I tried to sleep, I couldn't sleep. So, I watched Tohoshinki's music videos that I downloaded and than continued reading a book. Until finally it is 4.30am, I decided to retire and yeah! I fell asleep. Woke up at 9am and later at 11am. Woken up by a phone call by TJ. Met TJ at 1pm and as always, got him to treat me to a meal. Haha!! Long time have not chattered.... Came back around 3pm and later on watched the hindi movie on Central. It was not a nice movie. I find the movie eccentric though. But if it is Shah Rukh Khan or Aamir Khan, it ain't no eccentric movie man!

High Time

I can't help but thinking what GD must be saying to her favorite son about her days spent while she was here. How cold we were, how cruel we were, how rude were. I can't help but thinking. I even visualise that her favorite son came over confronting me about my behavior about it. Sigh. I don't know why I keep thinking about such things. They are definitely ridiculous and unneccessary.

I am not very please with myself right now though. I know but I appreciate it that some people are off my back now since they've already expected it anyway. I can think properly now in my bunk. All to myself, on my own. No distruptions after shutting my door.

TJ called and asked for a favor. Well I guess I could do it for one last time.

On & On

Okay. I guess I am a little slow on this. Now I know why I was late on Monday and why there were many many people at he bus-stop. Someone commited suicide at the Yishun MRT track. Most people have no choice but to go for he taxi or the bus. That was why my bus was really loaded. Sigh.

Asu Wa Kuru Kara : Because tomorrow Will Come

It's like almost 5am. I've been up for 2 hours sending out application. Always send out applications at this time so that those people will see it in the morning.

Dad just woke up few minutes ago to watch soccer. A Man U match though.

I don't know how long this will go on. Lots of people are just pissed with me because I'm always job-hopping. Some people just don't know what to say anymore. Well, I would just rather they don't say anything anymore. Because everytime someone say something, it is just so vexing. So I hope someone just let me do what I want to do. I appreciate your attentions there but at times I still need my space of thinking... And now that I have got my thinking space back again, I am making full use of it. I love my thinking space. Just being in there on my own. Being on my own and being on my own. No one talking to me, no one polluting the air around me, no one making nonsense noise, no one saying anything on their own about me or about somebody else in there. It is just me and me and me and I and meself and myself and my own self.

Asu Wa Kuru Kara... Because Tomorrow Will Come. It's the title song of an ending to the anime One Pice. Sung by Tohoshinki. I'm feeling kind of sleepy right now. Dad still watching his soccer. Not going too much hope though. ...I don't feel bad that you are not in me anymore.

Candy

I have not slept for more than 16 hours. I only had small doze offs in the bus while on the way back home. When I came back, my eyes felt sleepy but I was hungry and so I ate dinner. Went on YouTube and found new videos. Watched another game show and I remembered a friend taught me before. But seeing that game show, being played by those celebrities were really funny. Anyway, it is almost 1 am. I better catch some sleep and hope I'll make it to work tomorrow and SO! on to another new flight~.....

timeLess

I actually got sleepy! I slept! In the bus! I noticed I started yawning like about around 3.30pm. I was getting all tired and in to my work but I was yawning. Oh boy!
Now! I'm home! I ate my dinner as I was really hungry and I am feeling kind of sleepy. I am feeling really sleepy. I just want to sleep now and I don't want to shower. I just want to go sleep. But if only I have my own time. If only I could be on my own... Do I have to plug in again?

Phantom "iv"

...And yes! Good morning everybody. It is going to be 8am soon. To be exact, I did not sleep a wink. Although the comfy sofa in the living room sinks me in. With music on the background and the cool wind from the ceiling fan and me without any blanket, I sleep won't sleep. No matter how I try as I shut my eyes.

Dad will be home few hours time. Mom is asleep and she might just try to wake me up later, finding I'm already out. GD I suppose should be already half awake right now. My sister is now in deep sleep, dreaming about Ryan and Taylor being together. Oh wait! I'm thinking about that so I gues she is dreaming about something god knows what.

Yes, insomnia can goes for a long time but when can it end? When can mine end?

I should leave for work now.

What will happen today? The good or the bad? I try not to think about it but I guess something bad might happen. ..Wish I could see my doppleganger right now.

Phantom 3

Somehow, my bed doesn't feel good anymore. In fact, the sofa in the living room feels more comfortable than ever. ...Where is my doppleganger now heh?

Phantom II

Apparently I can't sleep. What should I do? I want to read a book but I can't read in the dark. I want to count sheeps but there are no sheeps. I want to listen to some music but I do not want so by plugging on my earphones. I want to sleep but I can't sleep. This is irritating. Slept only for an hour or two and now I'm up. I am not looking forward to anything anymore is it? Haha!! I watched too much of The O.C. ....

Phantom "i"

Apparently I'm feeling kind of sleepy right now. I don't know. I think it is about this one coffee I drank. The best thing, it got kick too. It got that "power" I used to feel when drinking Starbuck's coffee. It gives this adrenaline rush in your whole body and it feels so good. I somehow feel like Hammy in Over The Hedge. Oh yes! Going to borrow that dvd from Nur Raihan, my dearest cousin.

Okay. I am going to try and sleep and try to have a good day at work.

Perseverance. I feel I can't have perseverance in me. I believe I do not have perseverance in my blood, in my head, in my heart, in my brain, in my mind. I do not have it at all. I think I never had it. Ever. Before. Should I have it and add it into me? What if I do not want to? What if it never do me good at all? What should I do? Jump down a building and die? Those none courage-able words really don't do me good. I sleep.

Shows ~ Clips ~ All

I spend too much time on YouTube. Do I? I don't think so. I am just watching shows which are not shown on our Singapore channels. There are many shows I like and want to watch and I found lots more shows and clips on YouTube. ....Bless YouTube.com

i love this world

Metamorphosis;-
1. Biology. a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, as from the caterpillar to the pupa and from the pupa to the adult butterfly. Compare complete metamorphosis.
2. a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.
3. any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.
4. a form resulting from any such change.
5. Pathology.
a. a type of alteration or degeneration in which tissues are changed: fatty metamorphosis of the liver.
b. the resultant form.
6. Botany. the structural or functional modification of a plant organ or structure during its development.

There is nothing interesting such as The O.C. ....Ryan Ackwood is back with the 4th season of The O.C.. No Marissa but the storyline can never be more exciting without Ryan Ackwood. The whole thing is so interesting and I never though I would get hook up on the show. It is the best show in the whole wide world. Step aside Beverly Hills and step aside Laguna Beach. What can be more wonderful than The O.C. ...Woo-hoo!!!! I love you all The O.C. fans. Is there anybody I can talk to about The O.C. than my sister?

iN space

Good Night people. I have taken some drugs to put me into deep sleep later. Stayed for an hour today. I mean work.

Came in the morning, boss called me over to her desk. I went over. Also because I need to ask her what was my username to the system as I have forgotten mine. I remember the password but I forgot my username. Sigh. I am losing my memory. Bit by bit my mind is losing it. Oh no!
Stayed for an hour and everytime I want to go back, I'll be clueless. I do not know which bus to take or which direction to take. There are lots of alternative ways but I just do not know which want I want to take first. I need to experiment them and take the timing. Going to work is easy for me as I've already got the timing well but going back time has never been hard for me.

Tomorrow, go work? Wear what? Something green or something black or something red? It's friday tomorrow. In few minutes time.

// Insa - Greeting

x-man

I have always watched one Korean game show where Korean celebrities are divided in 2 groups. They have few challenges and one of them is the X-Man. It means something. The X-Man would have to do something without the other participants know who is he or she. After all the challenges they have gone through, all of them would have to vote on who is the X-Man. When the X-Man is voted, he or she will be verified and once he or she is found and confirmed that he or she is the X-Man, the money that they won will be donated to charity under their name. How cool is that.

For this particular episode, Micky Yoochun of Tohoshinki is the X-Man. In order to be the X-Man, he or she have to purposely win or use any lame strategies to play in any of the challenges and not exactly win them.
They have challenges like the Defect game, the Monkey Bar challenge, the Wrestling challenge, the Love Couple challenge and also my favorite, the Of Course challenge. In the Of Course challenge, they actually have to say something bad about the other team mate and each of them have to say it out and the ones who finally run of something to say will lose.
I think if Singapore comes out with that game on, it won't be as fun as the original one. Hehehe!!!

Shake it off

Could I be down with depression? Again? How long has it been? I mean, It's like taking up the whole of year 2006. This is absurd. It is stupid. I don't think I am down with depression although I kept thinking I am. I am just plain lazy.
Funny I would admit that online for the whole world to read. Yes I am. I am just plain lazy. But when the time comes where I get my senses to do things, I'll do things right and complete things and I'll just finish them right off. I would have no buts or this or that.
I am talking nonsense for no reason at all. Basically I am plain lazy and I am plain bored and I am plain insane. Listening to Tohoshinki singing chinese is oKay as I am not well verse in the language but whenever I listen to their international version of Hug, I would want to laugh. Whenever I am, I would laugh. They sang in English and well, they are not that well verse in English. One of their Japanese song, Somebody to Love, I don't know why but they simple can't say the word "Love" properly. You can even see their mouth and lips moving to "Lobe" instead of "Love". It just sounds funny. I would definitely tell them off nicely to correct their pronounciations.

I am at home right now. Trying to take a break but I ain't getting no break. I have not had my own time in my own room for a very long time and I feel that I can't breathe anymore. I feel like I am stuck in this world forever. I want to fly away and drift out to the air where there are no nonsenses going around me.
Basically, I'm crap.

Xiah Junsu is a great vocalist

Beautiful Thing (Dong Bang Shin Gi) :Solo of Xiah Junsu
translation by: o2_intake (also credit: aheeyah.com)

It's feel like beautiful thing Below the moon’s shadow
The wind whispers in my ear Where will it take me
Making the night turn white A spirit that walks on clouds
Till the dawn comes Till the night goes to sleep

Time of love, Oh my life When will be the chosen day
There is nothing in this world That is not beautiful
For one to know everything in a lifetime
It’s too short of a trip

Though the seasons will come again Time also passes
Life’s faint light allow Only the memories remain
I am thankful for each day So I put my hands together in a small prayer
Everything that is hidden in lies May I love please

Kuburan

Wandering ....wandering....wandering ....wandering .....wandering .....wandering. Wandering to where I am going, I was clueless. I do not know what I am thinking. I do not know what I am doing. I do not know what I am saying. I do not know the cause of my actions. I am in the biggest trouble of my life. ....Screwing up my life.

Day by day

Long time have not gone to Starbucks. It's a cold rainy day today. I don't like. I don't know why but I don't like rainy days. They freak me. Met me old fren over at Northpoint and went to Starbucks as usual for coffee. had the Gingerbread Latte. It tasted nice. In the middle of our conversation, I spitted my drink and start coughing. Some was mentioning me. Oh man! it was a bad scene there. *paisey*
After the long chat, we went around Northpoint. It was already 9pm. Most of the shops were closing. Especially Popular, which was already closed. Leaving all the last few people inside who were still at the cashier. Went into Sembawang Music Centre and look at Kim Jeong Hoon's and Tohoshinki's cds. A bit cheaper there than the ones I saw at Music Junction in Tampines Mall.

I wonder if it's going to rain again? I guess it should be. If I'm not wrong, it is the monsoon season now right?

Oh yeah, I didn't mention the other day that when we watched Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical, there was English subtitles. It was blessing for me and Yammie because we couldn't really understand the Java and Malay languages. Hehe!!

Oh no! I'm yelled at by my sister now....

greeting Speaks

Slept at 4am. Woke at 9am. Went to the toilet to pee and went back to sleep. 2 hours later, heard dad calling for me. Telling me to do the laundry. I got up again to go to the toilet and as I went back to my room, dad was at the door. He was saying something but I was still in dazed. I stood still and looked at him. He said something again and this time I heard. I just said oh and went back to my room and went back to sleep.
Few hours later, it was 2pm. I got up to the bathroom. Brushed my teeth and washed my face. Sat in front of the pc and start listening to my mp3s and do what I do best on the pc. Surfing the net, checking my mails. Downloading and whatsoever stuff I could do.
I was feeling so bored and irritated. I wanted o go out but I am broke and there was nowhere to go anyway. Few hours later after dad came back, I took a shower and washed my hair. Came back to the pc and input lyrics into SilveRiNA.
I sat in front of the pc the whole day. Listening to Xiah Junsu's Beautiful Thing. He has such beautiful voice. Those cute-gore-kiddy kind of voice. Not smooth but still nice to listen to. Heard it in Eternal's drama and the song rreally caught on to me. It's the kind of song where you listen while you on a travel and just by looking up in the stars you would see some flashbacks of your old memories.
Watched V For Vendetta. Dad finally watched it after weeks of keeping it in the drawing. I bet it kinda bore him as he kept on yawning after half of the show. Mom came back around 8pm from JB. Yammie is still not back yet. I bet I have enough energy for tomorrow as today has been enough rest for me after a whole week of sickness last week.

This morning, I had a weird dream. It was the weirdest dream ever in my whole life that once I woke up and seeing the light shining through my curtains, I was smiling and later laughing to myself. It was a really funny dream. It was.... Everybody's asleep now and it is still early for me to sleep. I have taken my medicine and will might be asleep in one or two hous time.

Running

I am running out of things to do. I am running out of things to say. I am running out of things to think. I am running out of myself. What should I do?

begin

Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical was a blast. Yesterday, me and my whole family went to the musical which was held at Esplanade. We got or seats in a VIP box. It was very good seats with very good view. The opening was extravaganza and the character of Adipati played by AC was really scary. It really intimidated us. The dancing was awesome, the lighting was great, the characters were great. When Hang Tuah came out, I was really excited. Although I don't show my excitedness by wowing out loud and all, I was really excited. One thing I find it kinda of funny was to clap after certain scenes. Clapping at a theatre musical felt kinda funny for me. But yeah, when the character Hang Tuah came out, I was really excited. It's played by the half-born British-Malay, Stephen Rahman-Hughes. I wanted to get the soundtrack but I had no money. So, I hope other places will have the soundtrack sold.

After the show, went for dinner at 2Hot Halal Cafe. It wasn't a really nice place. My order came the very last. It was just fried chickens which were not really nice with lots of chillis and rice. Others say mine looks nice but apparently it's not nice at all. Although we were at a cafe, dad said I ate like I am at the hawker centre because I was using my hands to eat. Before that, the chickens which they had toppled it on the rice, dropped onto my shirt. It was embarrasing with my parents around but it was okay. I ate the not nice meal and head home after that.

Watched Vacation again on YouTube. Yeah. I love the 2nd episode, Beautiful Life and the last episode, Eternal. The 1st, Cassieopeia and the 2nd episode, The Way You Are were common episodes ar.

Right now, Yammie is out, dad is out and mom is out. I'm left alone at home with GD.

I want to drink coffee again. The coffee lt night I had was really nice. Had not had coffee for a very long time.

beautiful thing

Few minutes to going out. Left Yammie who is still getting prepared. Settled for the white long sleeve shirt and blue jeans. Calling cab anytime soon. Wonder if there are any cabs.

panik

One hour to go for ETD and I am still not prepare yet. I do not know what to wear. Damn. Hey! It's just a musical playing in Singapore. What is so hard man!? Gotta go shower now! Blow my hair and all!

TimeLess by Jang Rin In feat Xiah Junsu

After that very long post, how long later do you think I will update this space? Not so soon? haha!! I even wonder if any of you even bother to read it? Really bored har? Yeah. Me too.
I am feeling kinda helpless right now. I can't help anybody now. Not to mention myself. I made it through the day at work yesterday. MY butt was aching for sitting too long. There were so many datas to be entried due to the opening on the new store over at Vivocity. Everything had to be rushed in. That was what I found out.
Found lots of alternative ways to go back and forth from and to work.

Going for the Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical today. I wonder how it is going to be. It is so early right now that I don't know what to do. Yammie told me to take my medicines and go to sleep again. I might just be doing that later on.

Xiah Junsu of Tohoshinki did a featuring duet with newcomer Jang Ri In. She's only 16 and she has such powerful voice such as Lena Park. I love her man. Love her voice. I wish I could sing like her. I think she's chinese since she could speak chinese so very well. I got to go take up something.

Drive

Oh my! When was the last time I've updated this space? It has been a long time isn't it? I feel like there are lots I would like to put up here.

Officially, I am and was a job-hopper. Will I stop at it and would not go on? I guess I am tired now and therefore I have to stop. It all started in February here I resigned from my long years job in Kinergy as the Store Clerk. Wasting my 5.5 years thee, I have gained nothing but yes, I gained knowledge in Logistics and friendship with the guys there. There were fun, hatred, great friendships. There were even loves and losses. I never forget those moments in my 1st ever permanent job. After resigning, I decided to have a change of job nature but I wasn't sure in what I want to do. While I was thinking, I was lost in love. With someone whom I've never met but heard of. We were together, happy. I then got a job as Engineering Asst which didn't last long. I quit my job due to distractions after the breaking up of my relationship with the wonderful guy. I couldn't think straight. The best thing was, the break-up was on my birthday. I was all distraught, although I was trying to show others that I was fine and was strong. People who are close to me perks me up and tried to not let me down. I really thank them all.

Went on to another job as a Planner Clerk and that also took awhile as I was still distracted with the going-ons of certain things. I went out with my friends. I went out with my cousins. I even went out on my own and do things on my own. Shopping, movies, staring at the sun... hahaha!!! Not staring at the sun. I just got a little exaggerated there. Later on, I got caught up in a 3-months contract temporary job. Doing Receptionist for the few weeks and Admin Asst later on. It went for 3 months straight which I decided to go on and pursue and permanent one.

While doing the 3 months temp job, I had nice companions there. People whom I can bragged and dragged with without the limitations of evil dirty jokes and criticisms onto each other or to anybody. Either directly or indirectly. Hatred for certain people even came up which I start to discover more office politics going on. Those politics and hits even fell on me which it was to bear for me to carry. I couldn't help it that I decided to leave. It was the best choice.

2 weeks of no job, I went on sending applications every night so that those email sent would be open in the morning and they would contact me where I would be ready. Went to few interviews which weren't really interest me. I even fall sick during that time. I had sore throat and high fever and later down with flu. My voice changed and I felt cool about it. Hahaha!!! But after awhile, for my voice to come back, it takes at least a week to do so and I can't wait that long cuz the flu was/is really irritating.

I had a job interview at Fairprice which needed me to have an Assesment test. I had grammar test, MS Excel test, number pairing test and MS Word test. I guess I did well in all except for a part in MS Excel test. I totally forgot how to do the Difference formula for MS Excel. I was still sick on the day of the interview. My voice was really over the top when I talked and my coughing was still bad. I couldn't breathe properly due to the flu.
Supposed to go for a friend's chalet in the evening on the same day but didn't as Sallyn told me to stay home ad rest instead. After all, I wasn't really in the mood to go out too.

On Monday, I backed out on an interview as it was only a temporary job. Later on, I received a call from a company to called me for an interview the next day. So, on the Tuesday I went for the interview. Clueless on how to go there, I was still lost and I was late. Of course, as always I settled on a cab. The cabby was kind enough and showed me where it was. Went for the interview. Wrote the application form. Got through the interview and I was feeling blurry. I guess I was hungry and also due to my bad flu which has still not gone away, I didn't even know that I have got the job. In the afternoon, I received a call from them and they brief me on the working hours and stuffs.

Came to work yesterday. Was late for 15 mins. Yes! I was late. For the first time ever in my life, I was late for my first day of work. It has never happened and yes now it has happened. All of you can shake your head right now but please, spare me the nagging and the scoldings BECAUSE it is the past and it has already happened. So what do you do? Learn from me. I was present as Sarinah there as the HR even called me Sarinah in the first place. I am a happy girl. Yeah! There are nice people there. My manager was wondering if my name is Siti or Sarinah because she had called me Siti during the interview and Sarinah on the first day as the HR talked to her about me using that name. I then told her that my name is Siti Sarinah but I would prefer to be address as Sarinah as too many people has call me Siti which I found it kind of irritated. I started working with the help of a senior. She was nice after giving that angry-looking look while introducing.
During lunch time, the session people asked me along and they were really eager over something. They asked me a very common question but it was really funny when they asked me. They were going, "Excuse me, Sorry but cane we ask you something?", in a scared and cute-cute way. I answered, "Yes? Ask la.". "Are you a Chinese or Malay?", they later looked at me anxiously waiting. "I'm a Malay. My name is Siti Sarinah.". They were so happy and jumping with joy. Especially for the only Malay girl there. She was happy to found a new partner as the rest are all Chinese. Hahaha!!! We all got along.

The surroundings in the office once again made my body felt weak and the weather too was cold. I developed my bad flu again and had to go the clinic today. I had to pay a sum of S$31. Oh wow! It was really something man! I had not paid for a medical visit for a very long time. I'm all bankrupt again now. Had MC for today which saddens my new colleague. Well, I will be back tomorrow, I told her.

Today after the clinic visit, brought Raihan to agency visits. Went to International Plaza and bought the list of employment agencies in the building. I had done that like 8 years ago with Nana. Haha!! It was like reliving memories back again. Taught Raihan how to to talk and what to say when doing the walk-ins. Came back home straight after that as I was really irritated by the flu and the weather.

I have been listening and watching lots of Tohoshinki lately. I really love them. Like how I was crazy over their seniors, H.O.T. and Shinhwa, I am crazy over them too. Not crazy but I have my love for Japanese and Korean music. I love all kinds of music. I listen to all kinds of music and I love all music. Anything from Pop to Rock, from Hip-Hop to Classic. Been spending lots of hours in front of the pc just going through YouTube watching all their theatre dramas and Yes! Not forgetting animes. Black Blood Brothers and Death Note as the latest anime crazes. Bleach and Naruto are still follow-ups.

Right now, I have to sign off and go to dreamland where I am modelling around in a new skinny body with Tohoshinki. Hahaha!!! Gila! I know I am. Those drowsy medicines have got me and my whole body needs a rest. My hair is still wet as I have washed it just now. I've dyed my hair but I hate the color. Will dye it again once I get my 1st full pay and so people, Bye bye!!!

Holding Back The Tears ~ Tohoshinki

Holding Back The Tears is a really nice song. I just love the words... It is sung by the Korean group Dong Bang Shin Ki. Well, I prefer to call them by their japanese name, Tohoshinki.

A picture that gets smeared in white

And my fragrance that seems to have faded away, All get concealed by the glaring cloud

My heart that has no words, Slowly starts to move my feelings, Those times that slipped through, Are in my hands

I'm holding back the tears, I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart, To a place that is neither close nor far, Where a different me stands, I will not cry

I bring my two hands together again, To a place that will hear it, As I live though these unmemorable times

Though it seems stupid, we’re always together, The pain that I want to let go, Dries the tears that flows through my body

I'm living with my tears, I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart, To a place that is neither close nor far, Where a different me stands, I will not cry

I'm holding back the tears, I run adding to the weight of my faith, To a place that is neither high nor low, Where a different me stands again, With a small smile I can laugh

I am living in the world where I do not anybody to be into. I told everybody I do not want to hear anything about you, talk anything about or even see you. But somehow, I am missing you and I am thinking of you. Telling others to not mention you in front of me was the lessen my burden on thinking about you or missing you but somehow.

It is ridiculous, yes, for those who starts missing someone until to the extend where they can't eat, can't drink, can't sleep. Apparently, that ridiculous acts have fallen onto me. I feel like a stupid shitty girl now that I am down to sickness. Insomnia for 2 weeks. Down to sore throat and high fever. Going through the feverish night was a painful one as I kept on yearning for you to be there with me. I was wishing that you are there to comfort me.

Ishk! I'm getting all mushy and emo here. Due to this case, I've been called the ego one. What can I do? I have never been like this before. I have never yearn or someone like that before. (Other than my mom though while I was in the hospital 11 years ago.) I kept on waking up every 2 - 3 hrs due to the pains on my face and my body. Dragging myself to the toilet and to the kitchen to get myself a drink and all. Just getting up from bed just makes me feel so weak.

But I received good news on calling me out for an interview. 2 interviews to be sure. They knew I was sick from the way I sound when I talked to them. Wish me luck and I love you all.

After all = It is just a phase, isn't it? ...Gotta move on... Right?

~ missing you

I have a lot of things to say in here but I'm just not in the mood to. So, I', just gonna fill up this space with these words I'm typing as I have not updated my bLog for a long time. I miss you all.

To Shasha, firefox, which fullname is Mozilla Firefox is another internet browser. Just like the Internet Explorer. Me, Kak Yammie and friends have always been using Mozilla Firefox to browse the internet as it doesn't czuse much problems to us.

No Light

i have no idea what to say right now. In fact everything seems to fall out of place. or maybe it is just my instinct. nothing seem to be going right. i kept on repeating mistakes which i could avoid but it just keeps on hitting me with no senses at all.

Princess Hours is being repeat over and over again in my house. Mom has yet to watch it alone in her room. The rest are holding on to their numbers to borrow the DVD to watch. i have few shows to catch. Animes - Bleach, Naruto (i wonder why i still bother to watch it), Black Blood Brothers, Death Note ....Yeah! I want to watch Death Note movie again. Gonna have a get together again to watch Death Note again, Oh yeah! I just love both Light and L.

Now I feel like having some hot milo or chocolate with marshmallows and also an apple to bite.

Yummy

No word from him. I guess, that's it.

Ryuk

Seriously I think I made a very nice layout. Hahaha!!! Flattering myself there. It doesn't mean anything though.

Oh wow! I just hate being a bad girl. Escaping from things that I'm don't want to and escaping from things I don't really like. What does the whole thing means?

You insist I do it and finish it although I have already requested earlier that I don't want to do it. What do you take me as now? Your personal assistant? Your back-up gnerator that will help you do the work even when you are out partying?

Screw Your Ass! Bastard!

I am totally sick and tired of you that I am skipping Princess Hours on Ch U because I already have the DVD...! Wah! Act big ar Siti Sarinah! Stupid idiot selfish girl! Only know how to act big in front of mother only. But behind act like small kid. ...Isn't that suppose to be the other way round?

Kill Me for Pleasure

I feel like I have lost it again. My mind has gone-case. I am terribly in deep shit already. Why do I always get in this kinda of mess? I am sure know how to get into it but I have no idea how to get out of it. I am either stupid or useless.

I had a nice dream last night. I don't know what is it about but it was funny. There was a cute guy in the dream too. He looks familiar and no, it is not Kim Jeong Hoon, the guy who played Lee Yul in Princess Hours.

A lot of things are coming my way and I don't know how well am I receiving them. In a good way or in a bad way, I still have the house chores to do and my mother who's screaming at me.

Loosen Up

So he wants to let loose. He wants to forget everything but it ain't that easy. He start things that shouldn't even exist in the whole world. The world has lost its respect for him that things are turning upside down for him. He points to people on their wrong-doings and yet he is hiding his. He is saying things that he thinks are right but never think whether they should be said or not. I have lost my respect to him. His girls are crying and yet he talks of starting anew.

Severing ties doesn't help. The more problems he creates, the more problems he will occur. Cutting ties with the ones you loved most is the most regretful thing you have ever done. Letting them go is the most hurtful thing you have done to them. You will one day find yourself nowhere to go, nowhere to confide in, nowhere a shoulder to cry on.

You know, you are just being childish when you are already a grown-up man. You are not young anymore. I understand you are going through tough times with your job. You are losing times and money and you are in need of everything to be in a right positions. All those stress and pressures must be giving you a hard time. We all know that.

Remember this, What Goes Around Comes Around. Nothing will go bad if you had not done anything bad. Don't give people the cold shoulders when they are trying to help. Don't shut them down when they are trying to put some sense into you. Don't belittle them if you don't want to listen to them. Give them a nice NO to them rather than giving them a hit on the head.

I love you and I miss you. You have become a change person from the one that we all know. Let us know your problems and don't hide them away. But now that truth reveals little by little, I am afraid you might get an explosion in your heart.

Please as I am sorry in due further if I ever have hurt your feelings and minds. I am just doing and saying what I feel is right. To whoever you are that I am talking about, don't think too much about it. Live your life fully until a ripe old age and have a nice day...

So what is the drink today? VodKa-LiMe?

we WERE Green

Today is Sunday. It is a day the world called Family Day. To me it is more of a relaxing day. You are out to work every Monday to Friday and out with your friends or family members on Saturday and so therefore Sunday is a relaxing day. Well, for me it is. As for the rest of you, I guess not and I have still not drink my coffee.

Friday night went of down to St James Power Station for the Maxim Party. Fida dear asked me along the day before. Thought I didn't want to as I thought it might end late. Since it ended early at 10pm, I made my way down. Had nice entertainments in the party and nice drinks which I've not had for quite a while.

Fida's birthday is coming up. I guess I'll bring her out on a treat la. As usual. Hehehe!!! Fida? Reading this? What you want to eat? Don't want so expensive ar.

Slept like about 6am yesterday due to Yammie la! Watching Princess Hours at such late hours. Mom even came into the room. Scolded us for being too noisy and not sleeping since we both have to wake up early. Yammie has to go for her cheerleading performance and while I'm joining the rest for the Annual Hari Raya Bus Trip.

Got up at 10am. Showered, online for awhile and off to iron my baju kurung. It was a hard one this time. The fabric one. Guess it needs steaming too. Really hard and the start of the trip was not a pleasant one. As always. I just don't like it. I hate people asking why we are late and yet they ARE late and they still have the cheek to just smile about it. People please! Look at yourself and around you.

The whole trip went on well as usual. Lots of sarcasm, laughters, tears, joys, pain, Green and an additional one this time.. Princess Hours. What the hell la! I brought Yammie's iPod video and we watched Princess Hours. Lots of photo-takings as usual. Oh you know how vain we could all be and after all what is a digital camera for?
Off to Bukit Batok after the whole trip. Mom and the rest suggested to get Canadian 2-in-1 pizzas but it was closed. So, they went to KFC and bought chickens. Fried Noodles were prepared too but we hungry kids were really hungry.
Ganyut ad Seniman Bujang Lapok were our entertainment shows bu nothing beats the gatherings of us cousins. We were all having so much fun snapping shots of each others and especially the Confession+Connected kids. Hahaha!!! Crazy siak!

It was really hot. The whole day. The whole night. Once we got home, had a cold shower. Felt so nice. Slept at 4am and up at 2pm. Hehehe!!! NoW I want to drink coffee. I'm making my coffee.

Sarang-Ham Nida

It is irritating. It is distracting. In fact, my life seems like it is falling apart because of you. I shouldn't put the blame on you because it is my head and my heart that I can't control. I want to forget you but the more I try, the more you stays in. The more I think less of you, the more thoughts of you comes in.
Why are you even doing this to me? Do I really need to be punish this bad? Have I done so badly that I need to be remember all these? Can I not just knock my head hard onto the concrete wall until it bleeds and until my brain just goes blank and reset everything?
Seriously, you are just a distraction in my life. I wonder why you even came in the first place and why did I even accepted you in the 1st place?
It is so stupid. I feel so stupid and feel like laughing at myself stupidly but when I did I feel more stupider. I am so stupid that I want to just go back in time and start all over again when I got the chance but instead I got myself all tangled up in another episode of unneccessary life.

Wah! So emo la me. But what to do. I want to take it all out in the most sweetest way ever. Is that oKay?

Fadez

I am losing it again. I believe I am but it is not as bad as before. This time, I am just happily wondering if it never happened yesterday. What if I had not gone for it? What if I had gone for it but I was alone? I kept wondering. I didn't know that it would happened. I am not looking back in time anymore. Am I? I am little distracted for the moment and at this moment I am still distracted. I have to escape for awhile and let myself cool down and drain out all the thinkings inside my head.

I escaped from work today just so that I could let all the distractions out before I head to work. I don't know what I would do. I just want to get out and be on my own. Only for awhile. Maybe. If only I have my own space. If only I have I have my own house where I could just roll around anywhere in the house and jump around and make a mess of it where no one would nag or scream or yell or say.

Argh! I'm beat!

~Biarlah Rahsia - Siti Nurhaliza

So, I went. I decided to go and I've brought my dear cousin, Sufyan along to company me. An event of unexpected happened and it has put me in an awkward spot. I was lost of words for most. I even lost my appetite a little bit. Nothing I planned happened and oh boy! Phew! It was like going through a mock test. No! A mock examination.
He is doing well. He is looking well. I have think and thought about him thick and thin and I was sure that he is fine. He is looking fine. He is doing fine. He is well and fine. It was unexpected but I am glad.

Went down to St 13. Finally met Riff. Haha!!! Talked with Raihan before she went off. Had nice chat with Rahmah aunty and we just lepak and ate up the potato chips. Wahidah was awkward when I wanted to do the dishes which she kept on telling me not to.

Sigh... I'm at the 2nd last disc of Princess Hours. Watched the 2nd last disc halfway and will continue on another day. Next will be episode 20 onwards until the end. Yeah!

I feel like eating but I don't feel like it. My appetite has since been gone.

It is Driving Me Crazy

Seriously it is driving me crazy. When was the last time I was this crazy!? Well, there was the Samurai Dvd collections. There was Winter Sonata. That was all like 4 - 5 years ago. I thought I'm not like that anymore but it seems like a person never change. I wasnt really bothered with Princess Hours until I saw it bits and pieces o it and it got me hook on it. Mom came back with the ordered dvd set box and it got me stuck in front of the tv from 2pm in the afternoon til almost 4am in the morning. 24 episodes altogether and 8 discs altogether. I'm almost done. 3 discs to go. It even got Yammie stuck on it too. I just luv the story. I just luv pretty boys. Well, yes I do luv pretty boys.

I... should be sleeping right now although I don't feel like it.

Goong = Palace

Is everyone as crazy as me? Well, I wasn't at 1st. It looks kinda interesting. I read about it even before it was being shown and I knew briefly how it ended. I was busy with work that I didn't make time much for tv.

Somehow it makes me got stuck on it, thanks to my dear cousins and mom. I got hook on it again after many many years. I've always thought they are always slow unlike japanese ones. The last interesting one I've watched was 4 yrs ago? i think. That one the title was Winter Sonata.

Hahaha!!! Think I talked about what siak! Korean dramas la... Now i'M all stuck with Princess Hours. Aiyomah! What la... The show is interesting la. There's going to be another one of Princess Hours but all different cast. Don't know will be go0d or not. I wonder if the comic's better.

Mixed FeeLiNgz

the festive days are always a tiring day for all of us. especially the eves and the 1st days. my 1st day of hari raya is always at home the whole day while all the guests would come cz my house is the headquarter. my grandmother is always here on the 1st day. it was a great gathering for all of us families as we all get to see each other. No matter you hate them or you love them, they are all there. Whether you are waiting for them to speak to you or whether they don't want to speak to you anymore, they are all there. Although you are waiting for that one person to call you and greet you Hari Raya and they never did, they are all there, in our heart, in our mind, in our dream, in our imagination.

The 1st day of hari raya is always waking up earli morning for us all. Putting on our recycled baju kurungs and waiting for the guests to come. Me and yammie were waiting for the rest to come while we just laid back in our seats and watch tv. Channel surfing most of the time until we gave up and decided to do our things. I went off to watch the 4th episode of House Of Carters while Yammie decided to take a little nap when 30 minz later the 1st guests came. So on and on til the rest of the guests came. We got really busy that we were used to it as every year the same cycle just went on over and over again since we were kids and until we don't know when.

There were lots of laughters and no tears. Yes, this year there are not much tears as there lots of hidden hatreds are inside us. Especially me. I guess. I don't have the spirit much but I was happy and glad to get to mingle around with my families whom I love. I guess I'm seeing all this as just a normal gatherings instead of a Hari Raya gathering. Am I bad to think that way?

The weather was so hot and so humid that I almost felt like fainting. At 7+, dad told us about the timing to go out to his big bro and big sis hse. He came back from morning shift at 5pm. I had cold shower but was still feeling hot after that. When we were going out, a whole big group of family arrived.

After the visitings to the 2 houses, we arrived home at 11.30pm. I told mom that most probably I'll skip work as I'm too tired. As for dad, he's in the evening shift so it's okay for him and for yammie, she had to work. Me? Hah! I feel like i don't ive a damn anymore. I don't know. I'm just too tired.

Today, I woke up and I was really really tired. I smsed my executive about my absence and mom didnt yell at me as she knows I'm gonna skip anyway. Hahaha!!! Am drinking coffee now. Feeling better after being lethargic for the past few hours. Uploaded our 1st day raya pictures and woohoo! I feel so not in the mood this year. I wish it'll end fast and move on to another year so that I cant start all over again.

Although the past will still be hook on us, we just have to look forward and serve the best to our purpose and to the people we love.

Wanted to book tickets to Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical but to book through online gotta have credit cards. So, will inform dad tonight as we are going to Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical!!! Yeah!!!!!

Selamat Hari Raya AidilFitri

Harap maaf atas segala kata-kata yang telah saya terluahkan dan apa-apa yang telah saya ter-lakukan teratas sesiapa. Harap semua bergembira di-sampingi saudara-mara dan kawan-kawan yang di-sayangi. Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Dan Batin...

ShpEaK!!ii!!

Everybody are already in a holidays mood. Hari Raya and Deepavali. Many has already gone on leave while others starts on Monday. Their leaves la. Lots of hand-shaking sessions wth each other, Wishing of each others of their festives. Sending and receiving cards on both emails and snail-mails. Internal and external. I received a Hari Raya card after so many years which got my Executive a little jealous. Haha!! Well, she was just kidding. My days are counted. Counting. Moving. Getting near. I wonder how it is going to be.

Covered the front desk. So many calls. So many guests. So many clients. So many suppliers. So many workers. So many questions and yet no answers.

Honestly (I don't really like Hari Raya). I like the fact that families and frenz gathered and get in touch once again and see those faces whom you hate but each other or shall I say everyone would just show their faces which are actually masks over their real faces. Seeking forgiveness to those people who are not even worth of forgiving but have to just because they are elders or seniors. Tears falling out unneccessary. Laughters only just for the sake to make yourself smile throughout the day.

Enough Said. I am angry at myself right now. I have always been. I don't know why. I hae done something wrong but I dont know what. I want to correct it but I don't know if I'm aware of it how. Do I even know if I am okay?

Life Goes On

This shot is very funny. I didn't even remember it was being taken. Hahaha!!!!

I am looking stupid.

Hhahaha!!! I remember it was on the 1st of juLy. It was like Doomsday for us all. Hahahahaha!!!

Really Ar!! Funny....

crash my world

everything just feels so wrong. i dont know but i feel it is wrong. i shouldnt even be thinking of you. i am taking every step to try to forget you but i just cant. it is taking so long and how long will it be? i stopped hoping and so i should stop thinking too. i want to let everything out of my head, not my mouth. i want everything to be just fine. i guess i just have to go on with that memory lingering in my head, in my heart, in my mind, in my life.

Green For LiFe

It was really tiring. Haha~ But it was all fun fine phew~! ....

Raihan woke me up though in the morning. You know! Somehow my sister now has become kinda-like emotionally-fed-up-or-happy, you know la, those kind of mood when you're watching soccer. That is how she is. English Cup is on and she's on Chelsea, I think and she's fed-up that if Chelsea don't win. I don't remember when but she's getting all emotionally excited.

Okay, so the geyLaNG trip was all good. From Joo Chiat Complex to the bazaar to Tanjong Katong Complex and back to the bazaar. No break for us from 4pm to 6.50pm. It was just walking and browsing all the way. We were hot and sweating and tired but we just went on. Until it was time for break fast, we couldnt find a place to sit at all. Well, of course we knew that was happening. With all the crowds, the pushing and all, we got through. Told the girls to go to Singapore Post Centre for break fast but instead we foun a better place to sit. A small stall at the bazaar. It was kinda cool. We bough other foods too from the bazaar and foods from the bazaar itself that we were really famished. Shasha came later and joined us to have a full break fast. I got my baju kurung at the bazaar minutes before we went for our break fast. It was $280 but it was discounted to $240. I bargained and it was down to $215. It's not at the bazaar or any open shop but it was in a boutique at Tanjong Katong Complex itseLf. The sales lady was nice... haha~! bUt oh well, I think it was a good buy. Wahidah got hers too after that at an open stall in Tanjong Katong too. Shid's was the hardest and most difficult one. She just can't ind her right one. Well, it was a realli hard and tough one though. Pleasing her was hard too. Have to worried about her mum some more. Went into First Lady. Really not my taste but Raihan found one which she liked. Look for Nad's too but there wasnt really nice one. Raihan decided to get a kebaya after thinking through. During that time, we were waiting for the new piece of the baju kurung she chose. But by the time the new piece came, we were already on the way out. Hehe... Sorry First Lady ladies....

Off to our break fast and back into the bazaar after that. Got Nad's baju kurung. Lots of bargaining though. It wen kinda easy for me to bargain too. I wonder why. Taught Raihan to bargain too. Haha~! Shid got hers there in the bazaar too. It was a nice one. Went into the bazaar again. The crowds were really pissing me off but it doesnt stop us from camwhoring. Yeah! Me and Raihan got more ear-rings. Went back to the same stall we went earlier. It was like a roundabout for us to find the stall. I bought a big necklace too and wore it on the spot. It's
really nice la.

Went off to Woodlands Ring to watch Ganyut. Raihan has been estatically telling us about it and we kept on seeing the clips everywhere in the bazaar. But before that, we were all running to the toilet pppp~~~~~EEEEE..... hahahahahaha~~~~!!!!!! Me and Wahidah tried on our baju kurung and camwhored some more like as if it was already hari raya. Aiyoh.... Off to Ganyut and oh boy! It's a funny show. Thank go I don't fathers like those fathers in Ganyut. Klakar siak cerita. Merepek beSaR...!!!!

It was just taxis for us all day. Wow!

Pictures uploaded... here

//SaRiNAh Luvs You MoRE tHaN YOU LUV SaRiNAh

tonight~2n9t

met ken-KeN after work to return his report. Went to Shop & Save, bought Pillsbury Buttermilk Pancake mix. Bought peppermint milk tea with pearls. Love it. Instead of Air Kathira, Bubble tea buat buka. hehehe....

Came back home. On MSN. Chatted With yammie oN mSN. she over at shid's. heated up nasi goreng and 8pm on the dot... HOUSE OF CARTERS on E! .... yay! have been waiting for that show. Great show man! Love Nick, Love Aaron, Love Leslie, Love BJ, Love Angel. Love the show. Whether they're acting or not but it is much better than watching Newly Weds. Instead of seeing a blonde who is a biMbO, im watching bLondeS wif bRainS. Well, not exactly. But, seeing sibLiNgs under one roof. Screaming and arguing and hitting and making up to each other every minute and stuffs. All are just nice dramas.... Watched the premiere episode on E! and continued watching the 2nd episode on YouTube. Blessed the internet. You can really just get anything anytime.

Had pancakes after that. It's crazy. I made pancakes at 11pm after watching a bit of Hikmah on Suria. Ate pancakes with whip cream and brownies. Drinking coffee now. Oh boy!

Dad working what shift ar today?

SariNaH LUVs YOU more thAn YOU LOVE SaRiNAh

WunderKiNd

how should i put it? hmmm..... It is the most interesting gathering I've ever had. Although it is just a mini gathering, it was all so worthwhile and we were loving every minute of it. The atmosphere, the laughters, the teases and jokes, the little boy. Me and Edah went over to Sallyn's for a break fast gathering. We brought our own ingredients and some utensils of our own and start our bakings. I did the Frosted Brownie while Edah did the Chicken Tortillas. She prepared some Kebabs which I fried them later on and Sallyn fried some noodle.

Our gathering were made more fun with the presence of baby Af. well, not baby anymore, bt toddler Af. Little af realli lifted up our spirits more. He was a dearie today. All so lovable. He did some dangerous stunts with the advantage of me and Edah. We gave up later on which he came on to us and wanted to pull us over for him to that dangerous stunt again.

After the break fast, we played as Af as before. Laid down for tv. A Cinderella Story, The Island, more 100 Plus & Green Tea & coffee & miLo. there were some left over chickens and cheese. So, Edah reheated the cheese while I wrapped the chickens with the tortillas. Baked it again before heading home.

It is a very hot day. The PSI for the haze has gone up to 143. I took a cab back and the road was reali foggy. I was really scared and I suddenly visualised that soon our world will changed to dark surroundings like those futuristic cyber world. Just dark and heat and cold and fogs all around. Had a long cold shower once I back home.

Home sweet home.... SaRiNAh LUVS you MoRe tHaN YOU Luv SaRiNAh

Yummy

I am all geared. Eggs, Brownies mix, tupperware, baking tray, butter, etc. I am going over to Sallyn's house. I am baking BROWNIES today. Yeah! After more than 5 years of not making those brownies, Im baking them today. Hehehehe....

Watched Fanaa again last night befoe returning to Medah today. I love that movie. I'm realli attracted to it. The songs are really nice la and the ending is just sad.

TraNce

I was very happy today at work. Everybody was going crazy. In fact yes, everybody was stupiditily crazy. Very funny. Someone who is suppose to talk but just laughs all the time. Someone looked at someone and keeps on smiling for no reason. Someone who didnt realise that she was saying she is a guy. Someone who didnt even see something that has already been done since Monday and onli realise it after coming back from desptch in th late afternoon. Like what the hell is the world turning into? What are the people doing man?!

Anyway, my exec had to go for a compulsory seminar and therefore, she informed me of the things that she has left behind and informed me of what are to be done and stuffs. The stupid Myanmar lady was not happy though that things were passed on to me. Who is only a temporary and should know nothing much of things around the office. But oh well, I assisted the people who came to look for my exec and I manage to get her as those things realli need to be done. Basically, that Myanmar lady was unhappy the whole day cuz she was soooo "busy" that when she entried those datas, she has to type to loud and purposely release those keypads lazily that it gave out loud thuds. It was stupid la, I think.
Oh well, tell me which place you go work and everything goes on smoothly well? Don't have right?

Yesterday went out for break fast with a friend whom I've known online for quite long time. Finally get to be acquainted with him. A veri nice guy. Just like how I know him online. I finalli rode in a Mazda car. Mazda 3 to be exact. It was nice la. Seeing those planes taking off really makes me want to get on a plane and fly around the world. Oh boy! It was exciting.

I feel tired though. Tomorrow heading to Tuas office. Kinda bored le. Don't feel like going back there to cover the front desk le. I've work to do & I'm gonna miss the companies in JI. Most of my companies in Tuas alreadi gone to JI's site le.

Sigh. What to wear tomorrow?

SaRiNAh LUVs YOU moRe tHaN You LUv SaRiNAh

Something About Muhd Sufyan

Move aLoNg agaiN

Went out to cold storage after break fasting wif yammie. Got the dark chocolate cake Devil's Cake . Oh well. Wanted to geet strawberries but they were all sold out. Wanted to get kiwis but I don't eat kiwis. Yammie too. So, got a bix of champagne grapes. They are tiny tiny little cute grapes. Am gonna add them into my choc cake... Looks like it is going to be nice la. Look like nice that. While walking down the lane looking at thoe chocolate bars for baking and all and I found a box of instant mix of Cheese Cake dessert. It provides the cherry sauce pudding too. It doesnt require cooking. I was thinking of not making the choc cake at the break fast at my fren's place next week. I think I'm going to just make that cheese cake. Hehehehe.....

Took down the living room curtain.... oh yes.... gonna go bring down my curtains now..... ...... ..... ..... okay! done it.... it's down. Have to sart cleaning alreadi. My room, I mean. Wipe there, wipe here. Wet there, wet here.... woo-hoo! I have not my own room for since... last year hari raya? Nah... I think it was dad all the way who has been doing it. See la! There is a much worse daugther here. Hahaha!!! Maybe start making the chocolate cake tonight. Oh boy! I just suddenly have the feelings of baking so much things. Cakes, cookies, pastries. I have suddenly have the urge to start doing all that. Muahaha!!! What's with me? Am I oKay?

Work was okay but it was another fucking idiot day. That stupid lady! I really got realli realli fed up today that I even went all the way to say, "that stupid lady! when young don't want to die. now old already, give trouble to people only!". My receptionist looked at me in disbelief as I didn't say it once but 3 times. My sandal snapped and i was realli handicapped. Sallyn helped me by scotch-taping it and it realli holds. Went down to jurong point Pedal Work's to get a nu pair of sandals but didnt get any as I was out of budget. Sigh. Went back with snacks for my receptionist and Chicken Teriyaki sandwich from Subway for meself. Start back work and oh boy! I don't know why but my office, Friday is like Monday la.

Wanted to head down to Jurong West void deck ramadhan bazaar but since the case of my sandal is in such a state, I couldnt. I scared it would just come off again. So I went back home straight.

I have so much thing on my mind and I do not know how to take them off my head. I feel so heavy that I scaraed I might just break down fully. I am holding on though. I am doing my best. Move on.... Moving on... Moved On.....???

I havent shower siak.... Go shower la Sii Sarinah! What time alreadi! Now alreadi 11pm... Going to be midnight soon! Want to wait til sister come back than mandi ar?

Listening to Cinta Bollywood again. oLd skl la that song. Who knows how the ending to Cinta Bollywood 2 ar?

[SaRiNAh LUVz YOU MoRe thaN you Luv SaRiNAh]

Miss Independent

For the 1st time grandmother actually listened to my sister. That was surprising.

Felt tiring today at work. Whole morning stayed in the office. Feels kinda bored la. Was really fed up on doing that stupid medical report. Felt almost like giving up but sigh. I don't know just what is wrong. I just cant figure it out. I am still trying to figure it out. Oh man! Afternoon, spent most of my time out of office. Haha!!! When around getting people to sign up for the Dinner And Dance and try on the jackets which are for the door-gifts. Which many are saying it's pathetic. Ordered a cake from a colleague. Told mom about it and she told to get another one. Yeah! White Cake = white chocolate cake and biscuit mixed (like checkers) with apricots and nuts. Wow!

Friend wondering when I will be transferring into her dept which is stationed further in Jurong Island. I told her that it is not confirm yet. Depends on what will their decision be and what my decision be.

Words really spreads fast in the company. One has happened, one has gone and a new one arise. Oh man!

I am feeling so slobby right now. Muahahaha!!! I am such a big fat lazy stupid fucking kid!

A Kid? Who? Me?

The cables to the plasma were lose. According to dad. Mom said she tried fixing it but was scared and so when I came back, it was really funny to see them not watching the tv. Well, actually, it's just dutchess.

ErasiNg

I guess I put too much hope in it although I believe I didn't. Yes, I didnt. I am just hoping for the best for me and him. Hope for the best to what is going to happen to both of us in the future.

Does this mean I have to erase him completely? Do I have to stop all of it that are going through in my mind?

I am a big pretender. A pretender who only know how to bring herself down. But right now I am climbing back up again. I am going back up to my feet and I will try my best to do well in near future.

I have to let go of things. Mentally and physically prepared. I guess I am.

SaRiNAh luvz YOU moRe thaN you LUV SaRiNAh

"You give Me WiNgs"

Yes it is the 2nd day of Ramadhan today. Blesses to all those out there who are in vain or in happiness of in sadness. Blessed for me because I get to break fast with eating RamLy Burger la!

MadNesS.

I was really craving for it siak! Whole day at work. Wanted to rush back too to catch the Grand Final Result Show of Singapore Idol 2. Will it be Jonathan or Hady? ...Well, the winner is.... Hady Mirza. ...I was expecting Jonathan would. After the 2nd song which Hady sang, Jonathan did better in all his songs. Well, of course it was a tough choice and well, it is expected that history would repeat itself whether conciously or not, Hady Mirza has won.
I watched it over at Woodlands, at Raihan's. It was fun being with the girls. It was a nice crowd to be with. The performace by the top 10, only Rahimah's and Paul's performance were great and fun.

Gonna be in Tuas for the 1st half of the day and back in Jurong Island on the 2nd half of the day. Hehehe!!! People knows that I'll be happy if I were to go Tuas. Muahaha... GiLer...

oKay bYe ...SaRiNAh LUVz YoU moRe tHaN you Luv SaRiNAh

Seasons

Okay, I don't know how to start this blog. Things are just not appearing how I expect them to be. Different things were asked, different things were given. Different things were said, different things happened. Different things heard, different things given out.

Last night, there was a suicide case where someone jumped off the building. Arguments going on, followed by screaming at each other and followed by a loud thump. It was happening while the Chelsea match was on.

It is Ramadhan right now. I couldnt sleep last night and so I got up and had fried fries with egg and sausages. Already had rice earlier and they are all too much to be taken in and so, I had enough. Woke nyai and the rest up for sahur while me and yammie went back to sleep.
Woke up later on wanting to meet my insurance agent but he changed his timing again to later on after his soccer match and it was 10 mins to break fast.

A funeral going on downstairs at the void deck of the suicide guy last night.

Met my insurance agent and received an unexpected news. It was so unexpected that I got a little excited, I do not know why should I be but I feel like that I am. I guess, I am excited. I am happy. I am glad. Syukur alhamdullilah, dia sihat dan baik.

I am still feeling kinda shaky. I have to stop thinking so much which I have not done lately due to the tensions at work and home, I am fiNe.

Yes I am.

Just to let you know... SaRiNAh Luvz YOU moRe tHaN you Luv SaRiNAh

die...die...die...

I don't know why Dutchess and Grand Dutchess are so interested in the commit suicide. Well, it is the 2nd that happened here, if there really is a commit suicide case. I heard the arguments going on earlier for few hours and later on a big thump sound came and than it was all silent. That was it.

Wow!

Selamat Hari Lahir Yang ke-15 kepada adik saudara saya, Siti Saiyidah.

Cravez

I took a nap in the late afternoon. Aroung 3pm like that. I had a really nice nap, I think. I had a dream. The morning dream I had was kinda scary, which was why I woke up twice. The afternoon dream I had was funny. I was drinking Coke because I was craving for it and I really had a nice time drinking it. Later on, I was having Bubble Tea. Milk Tea... wih Pearls. How nice is that. I was craving for it. When I woke up, I went back to sleep to keep on dreaming but can't. Mom was already waking me up. I ran to Yammie's room to continue sleeping but I couldnt. So, I go up. I washed my face and brush my teeth and made NesLo.... I don't know why. My craving for Bubble Tea with Pearls was really almost not so bad that I smsed Yammie for me. She's back now but she didnt get me any. Now, getting down at Khatib Mrt Station will be different. Not only there is Seven Eleven and Shop & Save but also Bakery and Bubble Tea [Milk Tea].

oKay now I hungry. Mother or grandma cooked Asam Pedas. Tomorrow Ramadhan starts.

Selamat Bulan Berpuasa kepada semua para Muslimin dan Musliman.....

I'm really smitten with Fanaa which stars Aamir Khan and Kajol. The musics to the movie are so nice. I really feel like changing my layout. I did 3 others before this layout and they all were hesitating me. I did this layout today and I put it up today. I must have like this layout and that's why it's been put up.

Im babbling because I am hungry. I've cooked enough rice for sahur later in the morning and so I am going to eat now. Am I going to sleep later on or stay up til Sahur? I don't know. What do you think? I think the rest are.

breathing Hard

Was wearing baju kurung to work yesterday. Many kept saying I was looking good and suddenly everybody are smiling at me. It is either they are mocking me or they are being nice to me. My friend just laughed at me and well, they've never seen me wearing baju kurung to work before. Anyway, I just told them that it is just for the welcoming of the month of ramadhan.

I have not been feeling well the past few days. Had a slight fever and so I had an early night. Had plans with friends in the future on our break fasts. Going to have some great funs i hope.

I've been feeling kinda weird lately due to that I think. I don't know. Maybe.

Seriously, I am feeling kinda frustrated at work. Director going overseas again and I wonder if he had signed all my medical reports. Like hell! Yesterdaey afternoon I went to check he havent sign le. What The Hell! My colleague was really in a not good mood. I know so much on who is making who angry and who is making who mad. I feel so bored that I dont have any excitement anymore. Am I Okay?

SaRiNAh luvs YOU moRe thaN YOU luv SariNAH

passing thru

I wasnt focusing. I wasnt in the right mood. I wasnt in the right place. I wasnt feeling well, that's it. But I have no choice. Gotta work. I was still surviving. Although that stupid lady is back, I am still working.... wah-seyy... Siti Sarinah flattering herself.

I am really smitten with Fanaa. But it'll go off sooner or later. Tengah mood hindustan la skarang. Mp3 pun asyik main hindi songs ajer. Kak Sallyn tengok pun naik Boring.

2day end work at 5pm, thank god. I want a break la. It's getting kinda tired whenever I come back home. I guess it is just the journey? the travelling? Oh well, don't want to complain.. Wait! I think I just did, right?

Mom kept pestering me to inform everybody about our Annual Hari Raya Bus Trip. So I did. But ended up sending out the wrong announcement. I mean, announcement correct, only the date was wrong. It is suppose to be 4th Nov 2006 Saturday but instead I go and informed everybody it's on 6th Oct 2006. Stupid right. Raihan saw my mistake and informed me. So, I apologized and sent out another one and again it was wrong! 6th Nov 2006. Stupid! I was really really tired and fucked up. Raihan called and talked for a little while. Yammie was here with me and it soothes me down. I sent out a final smses to all family members and this time it is correct. 4th Nov 2006 Saturday. Yes!

I am getting sick of my NEC phone. I hate the buttons. I dont regret getting it though cz it was on promotion and I cant miss out the chance on buying something when a voucher is given. I mean, it's not always mah. Wat to say, I Singaporean mah. Cant blame anyone.

Dad going for his class later on and Im going to work later on. Not gonna finish my neslo. I wonder what is for lunch 2dae.

I am loving SiLveRiNA.... Loving SuCiDaL+IsA..... LoviNg everyBoDy....

May my breaths find refuge in your heart...May my world be destroyed in your love

SiMpLe KiNda LiFe

Been busy last week. Either I went straight back hom or out with me frenz. Went out with Nana on Thursday. Out with Edah on Friday. Over to Sallyn's on Saturday afternoon and Rozaimah's in the evening. Suppose to be meeting keN after that but I got tired and he was already out. So lazy. Sunday out with MoM.

Got meself a new play-toy. Her name is SilveRiNA. Her size is 2gb and she is slim as Carefree's pantyliner. She is a product of the Apple industry. She is the 2nd version, remastered iPod NaNo. I am proud to have her. I have been busy attending to my baby every night since Friday. Updating, renaming, shuffling, transferring, uploading, etc. It was really tiring but it was all tobe organized.

Yeah.

Over to Geylang pasar biru to get the shirts which mom got the day before. I wanted it too. It's 2 for $10. I ended buying more than that. Over to Great World City after that to get my bed-sheet. The ones that I wanted all have run out of quilt covers which really irritates me. In the end, I still got one. It was the only sweet one left.

The stupid idiotik fucking lady didnt come to work today. She was on MC. 2 days straight til tomorrow. I felt so happy but I felt bad too at times because maybe I did cursed her too much. Oh well. Life. You either curse someone or it'll befall on you. ....oKay! That doesnt mak sense at all! I guess I was cursing myself.

Watch Fanaa. The hindi movie starring Aamir Khan and Kajol. Nice terrorism movie. Using the plot of Kashmir and India as usual. The love story nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. The songs also nice... I Like... The poems... VeRy Nice... May my breaths find refuge in your heart...May my world be destroyed in your love

SaRiNah Luvz You More tHaN you luv SaRiNah